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Julia, you ain't seen nuthin' yet! - Words in the Heroes' Tongue
I have a variable-sword. I urge calm.
Julia, you ain't seen nuthin' yet!
makd recently did a Recs post in which I was mentioned more than once - thanks! - and in the Comments julia_here remarked upon curiouswombat's Dawn fic 'Ten Years After' and said 'Curious Wombat's story is promising; the talent in the Speaker/Wombat house is downright scary!' Well, CW and me aren't the only people in the house who write!

This Roxyverse story was by our daughter Katherine. She's 17 now, but she was 15 when she wrote this. A little snippet of the life of Roxy the Vampire Slayer, before the Roxyverse really got going with the prophecies and the major slaughter. I haven't edited it at all apart from correcting an odd typo, and I think it beats all kind of hell out of the drivel that some of the 15-year-olds on ff.net churn out. Spike-free, I'm afraid.

My Life as ... a Slayer

(A Roxyverse story. Written by Katherine)

"So Roxy, what did you do in the holidays?"

"Nothing much: slayed some vampires, killed a few demons, saved the world. Y'know, the usual stuff."


Life is not easy for a young Slayer. Fact.

Life is not easy for any Slayer yes, but young people are generally expected to have a life. No one thinks it strange if older people spend all their time outside of work doing nothing worth talking about, because they don't. Well, apart from Jocasta. Teenage girls are expected to go out, meet people, watch movies, have a boyfriend, go to concerts, socialise, spend hours on the phone, watch TV, read magazines, and above all talk about this stuff with their friends. Sounds great. A lot better than a life of secrecy; declining offers to go out and apologising that you did not read that article in J17 or see Eastenders last night.

I am terrible to talk to and on the outside a bit of a bore - people don't like that. As such I don't really have any good friends outside of my scooby gang, the Roxettes, and those people didn't exactly chose to be my friends because of my dazzling conversational skills. The fact that I am strong, fit and good at PE without putting in the slightest effort doesn't help either. The would-be-Paula Radcliffes are so jealous I think they've put a bounty on my head. (Hope it's a decent amount, I mean evil super creatures try and kill me everyday - if a school kid managed it would be one hell of a big feat - someone quite useful to have on the team ... no, wait). However it does win the odd wolf-whistle but that just makes the would-be-Jordans hate me too. On the other hand no one's jealous of my grades in school - spending evenings saving the world rather than doing your homework really doesn't lead the way to A*s.

The few weak friendships I do have offer a refreshing break from slayage. The dull gossip of who-fancies-who is heaven next to the tedious discussions of battle strategies and demon anatomy, although comparing wounds or dissing vampire fashion do have their times. Slaying is sometimes relaxing but only if I've got my Walkman with me; one two three punch, one two three kick. The odd vamp even complements me on my singing: "You've got a good voice" "Thanks" ... 'In the end it doesn't even matter-er-er-er-er...' *stake*. I even enjoy it from time to time: the adrenaline rush, the destruction, the sense of accomplishment. Hey, who needs horror movies when you get to see all that blood and gore for free with that added DIY touch?

Keeping up with the latest trends is hell. Miniskirts? Heels? Pink and fluffy? They don't really lend themselves to a life of slaying. Why can't Stella McCartney try blood-coloured with rips and grass stains? There that's what I'm gonna be when I grow up: a fashion designer designing practical clothes for slaying; must have plenty of pockets for weaponry, be blood and/or muck colour and preferably be bullet/teeth/claw/everything-sharp-and-pointy proof. Oh wait, I can't grow up, the whole-fighting for life everyday thing. Bummer. I guess I'll live with combats. Oh dear pun not intended. Could lend to a neat advertising campaign though "Wear combats and live!" Can't say the same for killer heels can you?

I do have a job now actually. I work in one of those mystical shops that sells crystals, incense, tarot cards and that lot. The things that are supposedly magic but really just make the owner look like they'll fall for anything - door-to-door salesmen have been known to lurk outside the shop and follow customers home. The next time I see one I think I might go out waving an axe and shouting 'Gert-off moi land!' That should be fun, but possibly illegal. *Note to self: check legality of threatening door-to-door salesmen with large pointy objects.* The sad fact however is that the shop is owned by my watcher, Jocasta, and is really just the cover up for our underground Scooby group. Hmmm that sounds quite cool actually - James Bond-style - the name's Quinn, Roxanne Quinn, double oh severed zombie limb…

Being the chosen one is scary, exciting and above all extremely lonely. Well it was before I met Teresa, Rosa and Gabriella and then Sally and before reading about Buffy, Faith and Kat. (Hmm I wonder if I can do the Watchers' Council under the Trades Description Act?) Now it's more like being part of an exclusive club, becoming less and less exclusive by the minute. Maybe we should get membership cards? Or for that matter calling cards:

You were slayed today at ......... hours by Roxanne Quinn
The weapon used was a ............


The Slayer, Roxanne Quinn, called today at ...... hours.
You were not in.
To arrange another meeting at a more convenient time ring this number ......

That would be useful! Slaying by appointment, then I could fit in homework and possibly even a social life! *note to self: make calling cards* Hmm… but it may lead to bureaucracy, and giving out a telephone number may not be a good idea, plus demons, vampires etc. are not known for their co-operation *note to self: do not make calling cards*

And then there's that whole 'hero' label - aren't heroes normally given some credit for their work? I mean I'm not asking for much - maybe interest from the press, an official biography, the odd phone call from the PM, Roxy action figures, film of my life, Roxy trading cards, star on Hollywood Boulevard, private jet... OK I don't think even Superman got that much. But how about some dosh? Y'know saving the world every other week should surely qualify for a wage? Yeah I could do a paper-round but damn, then the vampires might eat people. Oh well no loss - you won't pay? Then I won't slay. Ha! That might make them a bit more grateful. Well, I get some money from working in the shop, and what do I need to buy anyway? I don't exactly need money for cinema tickets do I?! Still a little compensation for stealing my life might be a nice good-will gesture.

Yep being a slayer both sucks and rules, well there's more sucking really, having blood-thirsty vampires as your mortal enemy and everything.

Yet still there are Potentials all across the world who want to have my life. And still I would not let them have it without a fight. Though it wouldn't be a very fair fight with the superhuman strength and all that...


I've spent hours today and yesterday installing Katherine's new computer. Everything was simple and straightforward, it's a fantastic system and it was pretty cheap too, but I hit two major stumbling blocks. The first was tuning in the TV card. I scanned and scanned but it wouldn't pick up any channels. Eventually I found the cause. She loathes any light showing in her bedroom at all when she wants to go to sleep, and so she sticks Blu-Tack over every single LED on equipment that is permanently on. She'd done the same on her Sky satellite box. It's not supposed EVER to be switched off; and so it took hours before I thought to take off the Blu-Tack and saw that the power was off, and it was no wonder that the scanning had failed to find a signal.

The second bottle-neck is incorporating it into the home network, but I was expecting that to be hard. At present her computer can connect to mine but in so doing it blocks me out of the Internet, and that's not something I can tolerate, so she's been taken off the network again. We might go over to Wireless for the whole house, the mix of Wireless and Ethernet that we've got at the moment is just too complicated.

And now at last I can get back to writing, a whole day behind where I'd expected to be. There might be more Speakerfic tonight, there might not, too early to tell yet.

Tags: ,
Current Mood: busy busy
Current Music: The Police, "Roxanne"

34 comments or speak 2 me
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elisi From: elisi Date: June 12th, 2005 07:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
Wow. I'm very impressed. Scary talented household indeed! Keep writing Katherine!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: June 13th, 2005 02:34 am (UTC) (Link)
All the writing she's done in the past year and a half has been for school work, and she'll be occupied with schoolwork (and a two-month long trip to Australia this summer) for another year yet.

And then, of course, comes University. She can write then, hopefully.
frimfram From: frimfram Date: June 12th, 2005 08:43 pm (UTC) (Link)
That's awesome! I particularly liked the bit with the walkman and the aesthetically-minded vampires. The killer heels pun was fantastic too. And Roxy's voice is refreshingly different from Buffy's! Please let Katherine know I enjoyed it.

(When I was seventeen I had a highly convoluted email soap-opera about Aston Villa footballers on the go, which, now I look back on it with the appropriate vocabulary and a biiig dose of embarrassment, I realise bordered on RPS. It had a good conspiracy theory about Doug Ellis, though :) )

speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: June 13th, 2005 02:44 am (UTC) (Link)
A good Doug Ellis conspiracy theory is that the Aston Villa chairman is the same person as this Doug Ellis:

Katherine is talented, isn't she? Maybe in time she will draw level with you. She's off to Australia for two months this summer, staying with my parents and visiting my sister; perhaps she can Scourge it while she's there.
quinara From: quinara Date: June 12th, 2005 08:55 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hee! That was brilliant.

Why can't Stella McCartney try blood-coloured with rips and grass stains?

When that happens in a couple of years I am going to laugh.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: June 13th, 2005 02:32 am (UTC) (Link)
She has got a neat turn of phrase. Some of the things she came out with when we did the musical episode had me ROFLMAO.

And when Roxy meets Kennedy ...
From: steanne Date: June 12th, 2005 08:57 pm (UTC) (Link)
you're right. that's much better than the pit of voles.

i generally use electrical tape to hide leds. much more unobtrusive.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: June 13th, 2005 02:30 am (UTC) (Link)
Glad you liked it; she has got talent, hasn't she?

I wish she'd just let the tiny lights show; it can get very confusing.
makd From: makd Date: June 12th, 2005 10:54 pm (UTC) (Link)
Wonderful story! Thank you for sharing this. (Will there be more writing from Katharine?)

You're welcome on the recs, by the way!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: June 13th, 2005 02:28 am (UTC) (Link)
There won't be any more from Katherine for a long time. That was written a year and a half ago. She's been doing a lot of exams since then, and she'll be busy with school-work over the next year. This summer she is going off to Australia for a couple of months, to stay with my parents and visit my sister, and she won't have time to write.
(Deleted comment)
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: June 13th, 2005 02:28 am (UTC) (Link)
Glad you liked it! We are very proud of our daughter.
alwaysjbj From: alwaysjbj Date: June 13th, 2005 01:38 am (UTC) (Link)
I just had the same problem installing my daughter (also 17 and lives in complete darkness! LOL) to our network.. at first she knocked me off the internet... then I could access the internet but she couldn't now we can both access the internet... BUT we cannot access the network... makes NO sense whatsoever... all I can suggest is just keep removing and redoing the network connection... I had to do it about a dozen times before I got it so we could both access the internet.

Good luck.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: June 13th, 2005 02:25 am (UTC) (Link)
The joker in the pack is curiouswombat's laptop. Integrating her wireless connection into the network is where everything all goes wrong.

I can get any two of the three into the network but not everybody, and I can't get Katherine connected to the Internet no matter what I do. I'm going to buy a wireless link for her, even though we've got Ethernet cable laid through a duct in the ceiling through to her room.
missmurchison From: missmurchison Date: June 13th, 2005 01:45 am (UTC) (Link)
Excellent, perceptive writing, Katharine. You've written Roxy as a tough-minded, real kid who approaches life with great humor.

I like the idea of slayer fashions. Not that my life is as wild as a slayer's but the pockets and stain- and tear-resistance would be selling points for a klutz like me! I bet you'd find a great side-market in moms of babies and toddlers, who can be messier than most vampires, and very liberal in dispensing bodily fluids at inconvenient moments.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: June 13th, 2005 02:19 am (UTC) (Link)
Katherine is a tough-minded kid who approaches life with great humour, although she isn't like Roxy in any other way. Even at 15 she avoided the Mary-Sue trap completely.
From: redwulf50 Date: June 13th, 2005 02:09 am (UTC) (Link)

ok about to read the fic but....

I challenge you to write a parody of Robert Jorden's wheel of Times Novel but make it Spuffy, Like Spike al Thor, please ???
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: June 13th, 2005 02:17 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: ok about to read the fic but....

After the first three of the Wheel of Time books, in which nothing of any interest had happened whatsoever, I got so bored that I hunted down and brutally murdered the person who had maliciously recommended them to me.

My writing plans are fixed, unless I come up with ideas for ficlets or drabbles. Priority 1, finish "Angel of the Morning". 2, finish "Savage Beauty" and do more "Sunnydale Passions". 3, begin "Shellshocked", AtS S5 with someone else opening Illyria's casket instead of Fred. 4, Get back to my dormant WIPs especially "Life in Shadow". 5, write the sequel to "The Cloak of Mist".
From: redwulf50 Date: June 13th, 2005 02:17 am (UTC) (Link)


Your daughter has real talent, much better than Noxin
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: June 13th, 2005 02:46 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Damn

Thanks! Yes, she has indeed.
evilawyer From: evilawyer Date: June 13th, 2005 05:00 am (UTC) (Link)
Yup, she's got writing talent.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: June 13th, 2005 05:06 am (UTC) (Link)
Thanks! Yes, she has, and that was a year and a half ago. Shame she's too busy with school to have done anything not directly coursework-related since, and she's off to Australia for two months this summer so her vacation time will be directed entirely differently.
hieispike From: hieispike Date: June 13th, 2005 05:38 am (UTC) (Link)
Great ficlet! Yours is a talented household, indeed. :)
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: June 13th, 2005 06:29 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you! Unfortunately our creative talents haven't brought us any financial rewards yet, but we enjoy ourselves.
desdemonaspace From: desdemonaspace Date: June 13th, 2005 10:53 am (UTC) (Link)
*is blown away* Excellent! I try to think of myself writing something like that at age 15, and cannot imagine it. Katherine writing this is very understandable, though, having two such talented parents!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: June 14th, 2005 09:51 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you! We don't know if Katherine takes after us through genetics or just through growing up in our (strange) company.
From: moedonna Date: June 13th, 2005 11:05 am (UTC) (Link)

catching up

Hi, friend of CW's here, and I HAD to mention how impressed I was! Keep up the super work!!!!
And have a great week!
-MOE hisownself
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: June 14th, 2005 09:51 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: catching up

Thank you!
enigmaticblues From: enigmaticblues Date: June 13th, 2005 03:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
Impressive. I have to agree julia_here. The talent in your house is scary. :)

Oh, and I recommend going to wireless. The roomie and I did that for our computers, and the system was very easy to set up and works really well.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: June 14th, 2005 09:43 am (UTC) (Link)
Thanks! Glad you liked Katherine's story.

The trouble with the present system is that it's half wireless and half wired and I can't get the two halves to cooperate. As CW's laptop has got to be wireless anyway I might as well make the rest wireless too.
34 comments or speak 2 me
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