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Sweet Xander's Baadasssss Song - Words in the Heroes' Tongue
I have a variable-sword. I urge calm.
speakr2customrs
speakr2customrs
Sweet Xander's Baadasssss Song
I think I've got a cold coming on. Not feeling at 100%. Here is an odd little ficlet that takes off from the ending of "Once More With Feeling". What if Sweet hadn't decided to pass?


Sweet Xander's Baadasssss Song


Yeah, it was a pretty nice place, as Hell dimensions went. The company was, well, interesting; he’d never expected to meet Kurt Cobain, for a start. The surroundings were luxurious. The music was astounding. It was all by artistes who had died before their time, of course, but that still meant one hell of a playlist. Everything from Mozart to Kirsty MacColl.

There were TVs all over the place. Of course every now and then some dead rock star would grab one and throw it out of the window and you’d have to find another one. Sure, they were tuned to MTV by default, but Sweet showed him how to tune them in to show a view of what was going on in the world outside.

So, he’d watched Life in Sunnydale. The gang had been pretty broken up about losing him, at least for a little while, but it hadn’t lasted. Funny thing, Spike had seemed as upset as the others; who’d have thought it? Anya had been most upset of all, of course, but Giles had comforted her and, well, that was when another TV set went out of the window; only this time he’d thrown it himself.

Another set went smash when he saw what went on between Spike and the Buffster. What the hell was she thinking? Although, he was kinda attractive, compact yet well muscled, and yeah, Spike had dug himself out of his own grave too, so he could relate to Buffy. Once you got used to it they weren’t too bad a couple. Not like Xander could really complain; sleeping with a demon himself after all, and not for the first time.

Willow and Tara went through a bit of a rocky patch over some spell Will had done on Tara, but Tara couldn’t be too mad at her girl while Willow was so broke up about losing her best friend, so they got over it.

The reason why Dawn had been wearing Sweet’s pendant? She’d stolen it. Teenage rebellion kinda thing, he guessed. She’d been on a slippery slope there, but it seemed like seeing Big Funny Xander carried off to be Sweet’s Queen had snapped her out of it. There but for the grace of God, maybe. She’d owned up, given stuff back, and been forgiven while everyone was all about the Xander Is Gone. Since then she’d turned over a new leaf; no cutting classes, and no stealing.

So, everybody seemed to be doing pretty okay without him. That was kinda comforting, but then again it kinda sucked too. It would have been nice if they’d been big with the weeping and wailing for months, and had maybe built a four hundred and eighty foot pyramid to his memory, or something. Hadn’t happened. Maybe their not having 20,000 Egyptian fellahin at their disposal might have had something to do with the lack of a monument. Alexander Lavelle Harris; gone, not forgotten, but not commemorated either.

Of course he had a throne now. Queen of the Kingdom Below. Sweet didn’t make him wear the dress except on official occasions, and that was something. It was uncomfortable and he knew he looked like crap in it. Although not as bad as he looked in the corset and stockings that Sweet made him wear at bedtime.

Still a demon magnet after all these years but, hey, it had been a lot better when those demons had been girls. Some days, sitting on the throne with extra cushions because his ass was still tender, he wished that in the Bronze that night he’d just kept his goddamn mouth shut.

Tags:
Current Mood: crazy crazy
Current Music: Sweet, "Ballroom Blitz"

51 comments or speak 2 me
Comments
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kallysten From: kallysten Date: March 6th, 2005 03:17 pm (UTC) (Link)
Amazing how many funnies you pack in so few words. Great read to start off Sunday! Thank you!
and i so need to start reading your longer stories...
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 6th, 2005 03:20 pm (UTC) (Link)
I was commenting on your LJ at exactly the same time as you were doing this comment!

Glad you liked it.
bagheera_san From: bagheera_san Date: March 6th, 2005 03:21 pm (UTC) (Link)
*stares numbly for some seconds, then snorts* Seriously messed up, this one...
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 6th, 2005 03:44 pm (UTC) (Link)
Afraid so.
hieispike From: hieispike Date: March 6th, 2005 03:26 pm (UTC) (Link)
You always have this fabulously unique spin on things, and this one is no exception. :)
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 6th, 2005 03:45 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
(Deleted comment)
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 6th, 2005 03:45 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks!
makd From: makd Date: March 6th, 2005 03:41 pm (UTC) (Link)
Now, this is the way Season 6 should have panned out!! Delightful!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 6th, 2005 03:47 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
liliaeth From: liliaeth Date: March 6th, 2005 03:54 pm (UTC) (Link)
lol, can't remember a single one of your fics, that didn't have me laughing out loud at one time or another.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 6th, 2005 04:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks, glad you enjoyed it.

Warning: if you read "Smells Like Teen Spirit", or the Roxyverse stories "Mirror in the Bathroom" and "She's Gonna Break", expecting laughs you will get a very big and possibly unpleasant shock.
ffutures From: ffutures Date: March 6th, 2005 04:07 pm (UTC) (Link)
Wonderful punchline!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 6th, 2005 04:29 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks!
From: redwulf50 Date: March 6th, 2005 04:17 pm (UTC) (Link)

Hilarious

Damn you are evil, the perfect cummupance for Xander LOL
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 6th, 2005 04:29 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Hilarious

Yep. Thanks!
killerweasel From: killerweasel Date: March 6th, 2005 04:21 pm (UTC) (Link)
*giggle snort*

Very good.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 6th, 2005 04:30 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
booster17 From: booster17 Date: March 6th, 2005 04:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
*shakes head in mild disbelief*

Speakr, speakr, speakr.... Are you overdosing on the cold medicine again? :P
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 6th, 2005 04:31 pm (UTC) (Link)
I haven't taken any. Just have that stuffy, slightly light-headed, feeling, with occasional sneezes.
diabola79 From: diabola79 Date: March 6th, 2005 04:28 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hehe, how I wish it had happened like this. Thanks, was hoping for someone to write a version of S6 where Xander actually ended up as Sweets bride ;-)
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 6th, 2005 04:32 pm (UTC) (Link)
And now you've got your wish!
flurblewig From: flurblewig Date: March 6th, 2005 04:30 pm (UTC) (Link)
Bwahaha! Inspired and hilarious.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 6th, 2005 04:32 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks, glad you liked it!
calove From: calove Date: March 6th, 2005 04:59 pm (UTC) (Link)
Wonderful! Although the thought of Xander in a basque and stockings may be giving me nightmares for months.

Sorry about the cold. I could lend you Ilona so she can rub something on your chest. Or vice versa, if it helps.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 6th, 2005 05:14 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you! I was thinking sort of Dr Frank. N. Xander.

I'd better turn down the Ilona offer, what with not being in curiouswombat's good books over the Mother's Day thing.
elisi From: elisi Date: March 6th, 2005 05:27 pm (UTC) (Link)
Such an obvious fic - in hindsight! Just lovely! :)
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 6th, 2005 05:46 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
shadowscast From: shadowscast Date: March 6th, 2005 06:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
*snickering*

Thinking, though—watching your friends get on with their lives without you would be seriously hard on the ego. Man.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 6th, 2005 06:35 pm (UTC) (Link)
It would be hard, yes. It is a Hell dimension after all.
51 comments or speak 2 me
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