1. Marmite- love or hate?
Hate, loathe, despise, abominate.
2. Marmalade- thick cut or thin cut?
Neither. I hate marmalade almost as much as I hate Marmite – and at least Marmite never had a hit with an appalling version of The Beatles’ worst ever track, ‘Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da’. Which is the most obnoxious song ever performed by anyone who wasn’t Joe Dolce, Orville the Duck, or Kanye West.
3. Porridge- made with milk or water?
It’s many, many, years since I last ate porridge but I’ve only ever had it made with milk. I have Alpen for breakfast and have done ever since it was invented.
4. Do you like salt, sugar, or honey on your porridge?
Brown sugar. I think. It’s difficult to be sure after thirty or forty years but definitely not salt.
5. Loose tea or teabags?
Loose tea if someone else is making the tea, teabags if I’m making it.
6. Where on your door is your letterbox?
Half-way up in the centre.
7. What's your favourite curry?
Probably the strange thing like a large curried meatball with a fried egg draped over it that I had at Mint in Coventry.
8. What age is the place where you live?
The earliest written record of the village dates to 1643 but it may have existed as early as 540 AD. And Stone Age artefacts 5,000 years old have been found on the site. The house is over 100 years old, perhaps 110.
9. Where do the folks running your local corner shop come from?
Mainly the Isle of Man but there is one Asian, I believe from Bangladesh. It’s not a corner shop in the traditional English sense, as it’s a Co-op. There’s a shop attached to a nearby garage that is a closer equivalent to a corner shop; all the staff there are Manx. After answering the second question I had 'Ob-la-di, Ob-la-da' stuck as an earworm but, luckily, this question has driven it out and replaced it with the much more pleasant 'Brimful of Asha'.
10. Instant or fresh coffee?
11. How far are you from the sea?
I would say between half a mile and a mile; the Wombat claims it’s between a mile and a mile and a half.
12. Have you travelled via Eurostar?
13. If you were going to travel abroad, where's the nearest country to you?
England. The closest non-UK country to us is Ireland.
14. If you're female (or possible even some males) do you carry a handbag?
15. Do you have a garden? What do you like growing?
There is a paved garden; the Wombat grows plants in pots. I hate gardening of any kind even more than I hate Marmite.
16. Full cream, semi skimmed or skimmed?
17. Which London terminal would you travel into if going to the capital?
Getting to *our* capital by way of London would be insane; I’d drive or get on a No. 3 or a No. 23 bus. But if I was going to the capital of the UK I’d go to Euston.
18. Is there a local greasy spoon where you live?
No. There is a café, and a chip shop with on-premises dining as well as take-away, less than five minutes’ walk away.
19. Do you keep Euros in the house?
There is one on my bookshelf. I have no idea how it got there; I keep trying to give it to my daughter, who goes to Europe quite often, but she never takes it.
20. Does your home town have a Latin, Gaelic or Welsh alternative name?
Manx Gaelic, Kiondroghad.
21. Do you have a well-known local artist or author?
George MacDonald Fraser used to live just up the road until his death a few years ago. He did a book signing at the tiny (and now defunct) book-shop that was a hundred yards from my house – and I found out about it the day after, too late to get my copy of ‘The Steel Bonnets’ signed.
22. Do you have a favourite Corrie character?
No. I hate soaps almost as much as I hate Marmite and, if I was dictator of the British Isles, I’d make it illegal to ask questions about soaps on TV quiz shows.
23. Are your kitchen sink taps separate or a mixer?
24. Do you have a favourite brand of blended tea?
Yes, but I’ve no idea what it is.
25. What's in your attic if you have one?
I have no idea except that I do know that an old motorcycle helmet belonging to the Wombat is up there.
26. If you go out for a cream tea, what jam do you like on your scone?
I’d prefer no jam at all, just butter (not cream! Cream on scones is an abomination!), but if jam is compulsory then strawberry or black cherry.
27. Talking of scones- scon or scown? Jam or cream first?
Scon. And cream not at all; butter. Americans, I have discovered, believe that a ‘cream tea’ involves putting cream in tea. That is an abomination worse than being forced to eat Marmite while Kanye West does a cover of ‘Ob-la-di, Ob-la-da’.
28. Barth or bath?
29. Carstle or castle?
Cassel. As in ‘Newcassel’.
30. What flavour of crisps do you favour?
Roast beef and mustard.
31. If you go to the chippie, what do you like with your chips?
Salt and vinegar. Plus fish (if I’m eating sitting down rather than as I walk) or perhaps a steak pie.
32. Take away, take out or carry out?
Take-away. The hyphenation is important.
33. If you have one, what colour is your wheelie bin?
34. What colour skips does your local skip hire use?
35. Do you celebrate Guy Fawkes?
No. He failed. And fireworks scare cats, and bonfires contribute to climate change.
36. Dettol or TCP?
37. Do you have a bidet in the bathroom?
38. Do you prefer courgettes or aubergines?
39. In the 'real world', do you have friends of other nationalities? Which nationalities?
The only ‘real world’ friends I have are ones I’ve met through the Internet and fandom. Some of them are from other countries, e.g. the UK, Australia, New Zealand, and the United States.
40. Do you have a holy book of any sort in the house?
The Wombat has some bibles. I have two complete sets of D&D rulebooks, one Second Edition and one Edition 3.5, including the religion sourcebooks Powers & Pantheons and Deities & Demigods.
41. Do you prefer a hankie or tissues?
42. Are you a fan of crumpets? What do you like on them?
Yes. Lashings of butter.
43. Doorbell, knocker, or both?
Doorbell. For years other people claimed it didn’t work, and insisted on knocking, but whenever I tested it I had no problem getting it to ring. Then, a few weeks ago, it wouldn’t work for me either and so I installed a new one.
44. Do you own a car? What sort?
Yes. Skoda Octavia 1.8 Tdi Estate.
45. What sort of pants do you guys prefer? Y fronts or boxers?
46. Anyone still a fan of suspenders?
Yes, although (of course) not on me.
47. Do you have a favourite quote from the bard?
“O God, that I were a man! I would eat his heart in the marketplace.”
48. Do you like toasted muffins?
Yes. With butter and, sometimes, cheese.
49. Do you think a traditional trifle should contain jelly?
50. Do you attend regular religious worship? Of what kind?
No, but I subscribe to several Atheist channels on YouTube.