Can we declare war on Latvia, please? And Greece, who were ripping off Bad Manners but without the humour.
Macedonia's entry featured a woman who looked like an alien queen who the Power Rangers should have been fighting against.
Azerbaijan's entry is the best one up to now - and it is utterly appalling.
The Finnish entry was better than the Azerbaijani one - although that's not saying much as so was the Thirty Years' War - but she shouldn't have hired her worst enemy to design her costume.
The Maltese entry seems to have been influenced by Jonathan Coulton and, consequently, is quite good in a quirky way. In previous years I've wanted Malta to sink into the Med as a punishment for their offences against music but this year I'd like them to qualify for the final.
Bulgaria was pretty good - especially if you like drums and bagpipes, which I do.
Iceland are cheating by singing 'Hallelujah' in Icelandic. Their singer would have made a better Éomer than Karl Urban.
Armenia's entry is a very decent rock power ballad, written by Tony Iommi of Black Sabbath, but it would only make an album track and not a single. They're doomed.
Hungary's entry was extremely good - the only Eurovision song this year to have a truly contemporary sound - but it's too subdued to stand any chance.
The most I can say about the Norwegian girl is that she was being very cruel to her hair and it was fighting back.
Albania confirms that this year Eurovision has discovered Runrig circa 1989.
Georgia are trying to put the power in Power Ballad - but they shouldn't have bothered. And they seemed to be singing 'sailing on a sea of cheese'.
And Switzerland are now singing about 'a castle without ham', presumably to make it Kosher-friendly.
Romania's singer is a vampire David Beckham. As the Bulgarian girl was a Slayer perhaps they should fight to the death for the final place.
Oh good! Hungary have qualified. But BUGGER! Bulgaria haven't.