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Words in the Heroes' Tongue
I have a variable-sword. I urge calm.
Geography fail...
'Twisting the Hellmouth' is currently being spammed with stories by a co-writing pair of obsessive Xander fans. They specialise in stories in which those who have not treated Xander with the respect that he deserves meet horrible fates. In one of them Willow is tortured to death by Angelus and it is obvious that the writer regards this as appropriate punishment for her failing to back Xander up in a dispute, with Buffy, over how to deal with Angelus. One of the writers also is obsessed with pairing Xander up with Jenny Calendar - can I be blind now?

None of that is all that unusual and I wouldn't have bothered mentioning them on those grounds. I have, however, been reading the reviews (I gave up on the actual stories very quickly), trying to work out what kind of people actually like that sort of fic, and I saw a couple of people picking up one of them on a glaring error.

He has Xander and Faith drive from Boston to California in 8 hours.

It's three thousand miles. Lewis Hamilton, in a Bugatti Veyron, with the roads closed to other traffic, would still be a thousand miles short at the end of 8 hours (even without allowing for the multiple refuelling stops that would be required, and assuming that he's been catheterised).

The author, in his reply to the first reviewer to point this out, says 'I do not live in america and so do not know how far boston is from california.' Dude. Please. Boston, East coast. California, West coast. The USA, pretty damn big. It should be blatantly obvious that you're not going to drive it in 8 hours. Google the distance. It's not rocket science.

Although rocket science is probably the only way of getting a car from Boston to Sunnydale in 8 hours.

Current Music: Tracy Chapman, "Fast Car"

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From: (Anonymous) Date: June 14th, 2010 10:41 pm (UTC) (Link)
Obsessive Xander fans still exist? Hell, even I have stopped caring as much about Spike as I did back then by now, how do they keep up the energy after all these years?

Still doesn't mean that I don't want more Tabula Avatar, though. :p After all it's combining two of my favourite franchises ( though the Buffy brand is severely tarnished by the stupid comics, ugh ).

From: (Anonymous) Date: June 14th, 2010 11:09 pm (UTC) (Link)

yeah, but..

TtH has nothing on the pit of voles, and that's just from the summaries. I swear, I've seen some stories where "Murder" is spelled "merder". Oy.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: June 15th, 2010 06:49 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: yeah, but..

One cannot simply walk into Merder!
rahirah From: rahirah Date: June 14th, 2010 11:20 pm (UTC) (Link)
Magic car? Wandering sod? Time travel? Take a plane?
From: dalmeny Date: June 14th, 2010 11:52 pm (UTC) (Link)
Even before the Internet, there were atlases. He has no excuse.
kantayra From: kantayra Date: June 15th, 2010 12:29 am (UTC) (Link)
Chicago to Minneapolis? Also about 8 hours.

*sigh* This reminds me of the kiddies who use the excuse "but that was before I was born!" for not knowing that, say, there was something called World War II. It makes baby unicorns cry.
infinitewhale From: infinitewhale Date: June 15th, 2010 01:14 am (UTC) (Link)

Xander's awesome and everyone else sucks.

Complete inattention to simple details.

Cracky plots.

Obviously you've stumbled upon a couple ghostwriters for the comics.
gabrielleabelle From: gabrielleabelle Date: June 15th, 2010 01:52 am (UTC) (Link)
You know, I read a fic where Devon raped Willow as punishment for her driving Oz away in S4. And by the Author's Note, it was very obvious that the author thought that Willow deserved it. In the fic, Willow even concedes that she deserved it after Devon lectures her about what a bitch she was to Oz.

Don't ask me how Willow's to blame when Oz made the decision to leave. I don't know.

Whew. That bothered me.

Boston to Cali in 8 hours? Hee. Somebody needs to learn how to work Google Maps.

El Google says 2 days.
evilawyer From: evilawyer Date: June 16th, 2010 01:07 am (UTC) (Link)
Hah! Google is overly optimistic, too, by 3 days. Maybe 2 if one person sleeps while the other drives, you get really get good gas mileage and no one minds peeing into a plastic jug. Still, 2 days is far better than 8 hours.
edenfalling From: edenfalling Date: June 15th, 2010 02:29 am (UTC) (Link)
*boggles* My family sometimes does a mad roadtrip thing where we get four people in a car and drive nonstop from the NYC area out to Minneapolis/St. Paul. Even if you subtract the time spent stopping for calls of nature and meals, that's about a 20-hour drive, assuming an average speed of 70 mph. So if it takes nearly two days to drive a distance roughly equivalent to the distance between Boston and, oh, St. Louis (which is not quite halfway across the country), how the hell does anyone expect to get all the way to California in 8 hours???

America: bigger than some people apparently think.
desdemonaspace From: desdemonaspace Date: June 15th, 2010 02:39 am (UTC) (Link)
What a bonehead. It takes almost eight hours to drive from the southern part of my state to the northern part(but a canoe would be handier, the further north one goes.)
From: melodyunity Date: June 15th, 2010 03:08 am (UTC) (Link)
He has Xander and Faith drive from Boston to California in 8 hours.

Ahahahahahaha no.
willowgreen From: willowgreen Date: June 15th, 2010 04:19 am (UTC) (Link)
Maybe he's basing his concept of U.S. geography on "Supernatural," in which the boys routinely make multi-state drives in no time at all. (If neither Xander nor Faith needs to pee when they arrive in Sunnydale, I think my theory is proven.)
liliaeth From: liliaeth Date: June 15th, 2010 09:15 am (UTC) (Link)
The Impala is magical...*eg*

and well the boys are willing to drive for days to get somewhere. Even if only because Dean's scared of flying.
ozma914 From: ozma914 Date: June 15th, 2010 08:39 am (UTC) (Link)
Maybe it's some kind of alternate dimension United States, to go along with the alternate characters ....
evilawyer From: evilawyer Date: June 16th, 2010 01:04 am (UTC) (Link)
It's like folding a cloth over, except that land is usually harder to fold.
(Deleted comment)
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: June 15th, 2010 06:48 pm (UTC) (Link)
'Twisting the Hellmouth' http://www.tthfanfic.org/ is a huge site dedicated to crossover fiction, mainly but not exclusively Buffyverse. There is a lot of extremely good stuff there but unfortunately there is also a contingent of mad Super!Xander fans who rate fics on the basis of how powerful and awesome Xander is and how much the other characters can be shown as morons for not recognising his supremacy.
(no subject) - (Anonymous) - Expand
From: daibhid_c Date: June 15th, 2010 12:27 pm (UTC) (Link)
Where do the writers live? I think it takes about 8 hours (possibly more) to get from Inverness to London. I know this. I know America is bigger than the UK. Therefore...

I'm reminded of the story of the chap living in Vancouver who got a telegram from his sister in Liverpool saying "YOUR NEPHEW ARRIVES IN HALIFAX TOMORROW. PLEASE PICK HIM UP" His reply: "YOU GO. YOU'RE CLOSER"
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: June 15th, 2010 06:41 pm (UTC) (Link)
One of them has a website with a .de address so probably German.
evilawyer From: evilawyer Date: June 16th, 2010 01:03 am (UTC) (Link)
So, they have no maps where this guy is from? Google does not lead to displays of continents for him? (Although why I have any map-reading skill from people who don't know the meaning of capitalization, I don't know. BFD if it's internet-speak, I say; it still looks moronic.)
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