This ficlet takes place during Season 9 Episode 1, Avalon Part 1, when new SG-1 member Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell is being told that he’s going to have to recreate SG-1 from scratch. It adds a crossover with a certain BBC show which started off in 1993 as a short segment in a Schools program, aimed at very young children, but which grew and grew, acquired cult status, and in 2001 became a show in its own right. Americans, etc, might find this mildly amusing but to fully appreciate it you have to be a) British and b) fairly young or with children the right age. 500 words, PG.
Cameron Mitchell couldn’t prevent his lip protruding in a pout as he stared at General Landry. “Sir,” he said, “the reason I requested this post, the reason I worked so hard, was so that I could work with SG-1. Lieutenant-Colonel Carter. Daniel Jackson. Teal’c. Skippy. Without them, well, SG-1 is just two letters, a dash, and a number.”
“Sorry, son, you’re too late,” Landry said. “They’ve gone. Carter’s taken over command of R&D, at Area 51, as of last week. Teal’c left the program over a month ago and is with the Free Jaffa. Daniel Jackson put in for reassignment and he’s going to Atlantis. Skippy went back to Australia to develop a naqadah-powered boomerang.”
Cameron grimaced. “What about Flipper?”
“He’s already departed for Atlantis,” Landry told him, “under his own power. Didn’t even use the Gate. He left a message saying ‘Goodbye, and thanks for all the fish’.”
“I guess that makes sense,” Cameron acknowledged. “Sir, if you say I have to put together a new team, well, I guess I’ll do it, but it won’t be the same.”
“You could ask Rin-Tin-Tin to delay his retirement,” Landry suggested, “although he’s going gray at the muzzle and it takes him several attempts to tear out the throat of a Jaffa these days.”
“He was never more than a temporary replacement for Skippy while she was Ascended,” Cameron said, shaking his head, “and he doesn’t really count. It’s not worth trying to get him to stay on.” He bit his lip. “I don’t know where I’ll find anyone up to the standard of the originals.”
“Displays pessimism when faced with unexpected challenges,” Landry muttered, as if making a mental note, his gaze dropping to the papers on his desk. Cameron winced. Landry looked up again and smiled as he met Cameron’s eyes. “I’m feeling generous, son, so I’ll give you something to get you started. There’s a guy seconded to the SGC from one of our allies who could be just what you need as a replacement for Sam Carter. A mathematical genius.”
Cameron’s heart sank. “It’s not Rodney MacKay, is it?”
Landry chuckled. “No, not Dr MacKay. Mexican, not Canadian, and not just a lab jockey. He’s considerably more athletic, even acrobatic, than the average scientist.”
“A scholar and an acrobat?” Cameron’s eyebrows climbed. “Don’t tell me the Pink Panther really exists?”
“Don’t be silly,” Landry said. “That’s a cartoon. And he wouldn’t be Mexican anyway. Come with me, son, and I’ll introduce you.”
Cameron followed Landry to the gym. At first it seemed that no-one was there but then a whip hissed through the air and curled around a light fitting. A black-clad figure, with a sombrero on his head and a mask on his face, swung across the room and alighted in front of the two officers. Cameron stared. The mask couldn’t hide the unmistakable fact that the newcomer was a gerbil.
“Greetings, señores,” the gerbil said, sweeping off his sombrero and bowing. “I am… El Nombre!”
Disclaimer: ‘Stargate: SG1’ was created by Brad Wright and Jonathan Glassner and is owned by MGM Television Entertainment and Gekko Productions. ‘El Nombre’ was created by Christopher Lillicrap for the BBC Schools program ‘Numbertime’.