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Spelling Mistake Ficlet: The Big Suomi - Words in the Heroes' Tongue
I have a variable-sword. I urge calm.
speakr2customrs
speakr2customrs
Spelling Mistake Ficlet: The Big Suomi
Well, I’m back from York. I had quite a good time; for details, and pictures of my daughter’s Graduation ceremony, see curiouswombat’s Journal.

Something that I came across in York has given me the inspiration for a new Stargate: SG1 fic – and it will be a crossover with Postman Pat! Coming in a week or two, probably, although there are other fics I should work on first. I also have to work out how to post the revised version of ‘Extinction Event’ that I wrote in York, in response to comments at ‘Twisting the Hellmouth’, as it has ended up with chapters too long for LiveJournal’s posting limits. For the time being anyone who wants to read the expanded version will have to read it THERE.

I’ve been reading fics at the Pit of Voles recently, a few good stories and a lot of dreadful ones, and some of them have mistakes I haven’t encountered elsewhere. I’d forgotten quite how low their standards are. Even when the spelling is reasonable in the actual stories a lot of them have appallingly illiterate summaries; one frequent error has inspired me to write another of my Spelling Mistake ficlets. 500 words, PG, BtVS, rather silly.

The Big Suomi

The fic writer frowned at the screen, blank except for the final chapter heading of her WIP, and chewed on her lip as she searched for inspiration. The plot was nearly wrapped up but it still needed a climactic action scene as a conclusion. An exotic location would help too. She opened up Firefox and browsed the Internet for a few minutes, seeking inspiration, and at last something struck a chord. She went to Wikipedia, did some basic research, and then went to specialized sites to look up information in more detail. Yes. There was definitely material for a few dramatic scenes here. She maximized the Word document and began to write.

Her fingers flew over the keyboard as she sent Buffy and Xander off on a transatlantic flight. She described them tracking the evil vampire mastermind through the streets of Helsinki and then out into the country. They obtained a Mitsubishi Evo and went in pursuit, chasing through the Thousand Lakes region at breakneck speed, with Xander driving and Buffy calling out directions from a map.

From there they went further North and the villain fled through deep snow. Buffy and Xander followed on skis. Periodically the villain’s ferocious wolverine minions attacked, usually in groups of five, and Xander or Buffy halted, lay prone, and used a target rifle to dispose of them.

An idea for a dramatic scene struck the writer and she sent the intrepid pair down a steep hill, hurtling down the incline at great speed on their skis, only to find that the slope ended in a vertical drop down to a chasm and that they couldn’t possibly stop in time. Instead they leapt out into space, leaning forward to improve their aerodynamics, and flew over the ravine and landed safely on the other side.

The vampire, however, had doubled back and had not crossed the ravine. He was some sixty meters away and it was now revealed that he had concealed a snowmobile in some snow-covered bushes. Buffy and Xander couldn’t possibly get back to his side of the gap before he retrieved the snowmobile and made his escape.

Their ingenuity, in this story, was equal to the situation. Buffy felled a sapling, Xander trimmed off its branches and sharpened it to a point, and then Buffy took hold of the improvised spear and took a run towards the chasm. She threw the weapon as hard as she could, falling flat on her face on the edge of the sheer drop in the process, and the makeshift javelin flew for sixty-eight meters and struck the vampire in the chest.

That was the end of the vampire and, save for a celebratory party in Helsinki, the end of the story.

The writer dashed it off to her beta and then, on receiving it back with her spelling errors corrected, put the chapter up at fanfic dot net, marked it ‘Complete’, and added a note to the Summary.

‘Final chapter posted,’ her note read. ‘NOW FINNISHED!’

Tags:
Current Music: Nightwish, "Over the hills and far away"

33 comments or speak 2 me
Comments
ffutures From: ffutures Date: July 19th, 2009 08:50 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hadn't noticed that one so much. Still wish you'd write a Los Angelus story...
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 20th, 2009 10:06 am (UTC) (Link)
I've played around with several ideas for a Los Angelus story but so far I haven't found one that's sufficiently funny.
bogwitch From: bogwitch Date: July 19th, 2009 08:53 pm (UTC) (Link)
That's one hell of a long last chapter, I’m impressed!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 20th, 2009 10:08 am (UTC) (Link)
It had to be long to cram in all the Finnish cultural stereotypes.
From: ellaygee_09 Date: July 19th, 2009 09:00 pm (UTC) (Link)
Ha!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 20th, 2009 10:08 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
ayinhara From: ayinhara Date: July 19th, 2009 09:07 pm (UTC) (Link)
A large groan. But I liked it.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 20th, 2009 10:08 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
vikingprincess From: vikingprincess Date: July 19th, 2009 09:33 pm (UTC) (Link)
*moans in pain*
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 20th, 2009 10:08 am (UTC) (Link)
Sorry!
deird1 From: deird1 Date: July 19th, 2009 10:01 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hee!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 20th, 2009 10:08 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
beer_good_foamy From: beer_good_foamy Date: July 19th, 2009 10:33 pm (UTC) (Link)
...Saatana perkele, that hurt.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 20th, 2009 10:10 am (UTC) (Link)
Anteeksi!
booster17 From: booster17 Date: July 19th, 2009 11:39 pm (UTC) (Link)
What I meant to say before acidentally hitting the Post Button was :

Oh dear. Oh dear. Totally unrealistic: Spelling errors corrected!?!?

Edited at 2009-07-19 11:41 pm (UTC)
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 20th, 2009 10:14 am (UTC) (Link)
I've found that it's not uncommon on the Pit of Voles to find stories where the spelling and grammar are noticeably better in the actual story than in the summary.
spikesdeb From: spikesdeb Date: July 19th, 2009 11:49 pm (UTC) (Link)
*groan* I was waiting for the pun, and wasn't disappointed! Great stuff.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 20th, 2009 10:15 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
sammywol From: sammywol Date: July 20th, 2009 10:30 am (UTC) (Link)
Oh painfully delicious!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 20th, 2009 03:18 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
gillo From: gillo Date: July 20th, 2009 11:33 am (UTC) (Link)
Ouch. Somehow I thought you were going to bring Sumo wrestling into it, up in the frozen wastes. I was crediting your fic-writer with way too much intellect.

I love the fact that Buffy and Xander behave so utterly improbably, just as they do in so many iffy fics. Good work!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 20th, 2009 03:36 pm (UTC) (Link)
Too little intellect, surely?

Thank you!
physicsteach From: physicsteach Date: July 20th, 2009 03:18 pm (UTC) (Link)
I love the specificity of "sixty-eight meters." Who knew that the Slayer power-package included a laser rangefinder?
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 20th, 2009 03:35 pm (UTC) (Link)
I made it 68 meters because that's a distance which would stand a very good chance of winning the Ladies' Javelin in any given competition but was short of the World Record. Buffy isn't a javelin specialist.

Intrepid!Xander, the One Who Sees, measured the distance.
spikereader From: spikereader Date: July 21st, 2009 08:55 am (UTC) (Link)
As ever, worth every groan. :D
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 21st, 2009 08:19 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
33 comments or speak 2 me