?

Log in

No account? Create an account
I speak 2 customrs customrs' speak 2 me calendar about s2c Speaker's Corner Previously on s2c Previously on s2c Next Next
Ficlet: If I Could Turn Back Time - Words in the Heroes' Tongue
I have a variable-sword. I urge calm.
speakr2customrs
speakr2customrs
Ficlet: If I Could Turn Back Time
Belated Happy Birthdays to spikereader, just_sue, and myfeetshowit

It occurred to me recently that the premise of the ‘Terminator’ movies is perhaps the most deeply flawed plot of any SF series. Never mind the time travel, Skynet’s plan totally sucks. Starting a nuclear war to wipe out humanity? Nuclear explosions cause massive electro-magnetic pulses far deadlier to computers than the explosions and fall-out are to humans. Yes, the humans would die, but Skynet would die first. Fail.

Despite the ludicrous premise the first two films were extremely entertaining. Shame about T3. I never watched the Sarah Connor Chronicles but I recently read a Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles/BtVS crossover, by Dave Turner, at ‘Twisting the Hellmouth’; it was the loose inspiration for this rather silly non-crossover (although knowledge of T1 & T2 helps) mini-ficlet that I knocked off this morning. BtVS Season 5; set three or four months prior to I Was Made To Love You, but makes use of Season 8 material. 400 words, PG.

If I Could Turn Back Time


Warren came out of class and set off to return to his room. He noticed the hot chick, ‘cause hey, male here, but he didn’t pay her much attention because she was obviously way out of his league.

“Hi, Warren.”

Warren’s jaw dropped. The hot chick was speaking to him. “Uh, do I know you?” Not that he did know her, no way could he have forgotten someone that hot, unless she was, like, some cousin that he hadn’t seen since they were both five or something.

“Not yet,” the chick said. “You will. In fact, you’ll make me.”

“Make you what?” Warren’s eyebrows had climbed so high that they were being reported to air traffic control as a flight hazard.

“I’d better tell you the full story,” the chick said. “I’m April Veesix. I’m from the future.”

“This is some kind of a joke, right? Who put you up to this?”

“You did,” April said. “You sent me back in time to stop you making a serious mistake that will get you skinned alive, pulled back from the brink of death, and forced to live a horrible skinless existence with a crazy rat as your partner.”

Warren’s eyebrows escaped the atmosphere and went into geostationary orbit. “All I can say to that is… huh?”

“I’m a robot,” April went on. “Highly advanced. My AI pretty much defines intelligence, I build scale model monorails using little magnets, and I don’t knit sweaters.”

“I don’t know what your game is,” Warren began.

“D&D, by preference,” April told him. “I DM too, and I’m pretty good at it.” She gave him a quirky smile, her eyes crinkling at the corners, showing she was well aware she was scoring a point. “Face it, Warren, I’m your perfect woman.”

“Uh, yeah,” Warren mumbled. “But, hey, robot.”

“You’d never have guessed if I hadn’t told you,” April said. “Never mind the Turing Test, I could fool doctors. Well, as long as they didn’t take blood samples.”

“You’re, uh, anatomically correct?”

“Damn right,” April said, with a nod. “I’m a sexbot.”

Warren’s jaw dropped so low that it bounced off his chest. “A sexbot?”

“Correct in every detail, with synthetic internal musculature, programmed with all your favorite sexual acts, no matter how kinky,” April said, “and I never have a headache. I’m your dream girl.” She grinned impishly. “Live with me if you want to come.”

Tags: , ,

28 comments or speak 2 me
Comments
framefolly From: framefolly Date: May 18th, 2009 06:09 pm (UTC) (Link)
> “Live with me if you want to come.”

*groans and laughs*
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: May 19th, 2009 06:50 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
beer_good_foamy From: beer_good_foamy Date: May 18th, 2009 06:59 pm (UTC) (Link)
...arrrrrrgh.

You should watch Sarah Connor Chronicles, btw. It was a great show. Cancelled now, of course, so I needed a bit of a laugh. Thanks for providing.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: May 19th, 2009 06:50 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
ozma914 From: ozma914 Date: May 19th, 2009 08:56 am (UTC) (Link)

the C word

It what? Gahhhh!!!!!
(Deleted comment)
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: May 19th, 2009 06:51 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
ffutures From: ffutures Date: May 18th, 2009 07:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh yes!!

Except this possibly means no Buffybot, which would be a shame...
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: May 19th, 2009 06:58 am (UTC) (Link)
Especially as no Buffybot could well mean that the Scoobies lose the fight at the tower and the world ends.
audela From: audela Date: May 18th, 2009 08:05 pm (UTC) (Link)
GOL! (Groan Out Loud) A neat idea though.

f
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: May 19th, 2009 06:59 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
nothorse From: nothorse Date: May 18th, 2009 08:34 pm (UTC) (Link)
Arrrgh!

There's not enough peanuts in this world...
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: May 19th, 2009 06:59 am (UTC) (Link)
Pay peanuts, get punkeys.
deird1 From: deird1 Date: May 18th, 2009 08:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hee!

This is great!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: May 19th, 2009 07:00 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
mymatedave From: mymatedave Date: May 18th, 2009 10:20 pm (UTC) (Link)
I would join the peanut gallery in groaning but you've done worse. Not far worse, but still.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: May 19th, 2009 07:02 am (UTC) (Link)
And I will no doubt do worse in the future. Unless I send a robot back to stop myself.
brunettepet From: brunettepet Date: May 19th, 2009 01:37 am (UTC) (Link)
*Groan* but also funny.

Seeing Adam Busch on "Sarah Connor" gave me pause, but I didn't know anyone wrote a crossover. I'll have to look it up.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: May 19th, 2009 07:07 am (UTC) (Link)
wildecate From: wildecate Date: May 19th, 2009 07:44 am (UTC) (Link)
"live with me if you want to come..."

Sniggers. Very good.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: May 19th, 2009 10:10 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
ozma914 From: ozma914 Date: May 19th, 2009 08:54 am (UTC) (Link)
Oh my God! I took me ten minutes to clean the Mountain Dew out of the keyboard!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: May 19th, 2009 10:10 am (UTC) (Link)
Sorry!
ozma914 From: ozma914 Date: May 19th, 2009 10:19 am (UTC) (Link)
Not your fault, I should have known -- I've read your stuff before. But that last line is a new high (or low) for you!
moscow_watcher From: moscow_watcher Date: May 19th, 2009 09:54 am (UTC) (Link)
*squeals in delight*

You should make it a series! A Mary Sue/Marty Stu spoof, with April and Warren defeating Glory, Skip, Holtz, Evil!Andrew&Evil!Jonathan, Jasmine, The First and W&H.

Pretty, pretty please! *puppy eyes*
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: May 19th, 2009 11:12 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!

I'm tempted, but I have too many other things on the go already.
moscow_watcher From: moscow_watcher Date: May 19th, 2009 11:25 am (UTC) (Link)
But it could be a short series! A collection of 400-words vignettes, one vignette for a villain. Come on, your new and improved Aprilbot has limitless resources to kick ass and to right the wrong. And Warren has quite an inventive mind. Together they'll rock!

And, BTW, as I was typing this, I came up with a possible ending: PTB, impressed with Warren's feats, promote him to "Mr.Universe" and send him to the future. In Serenityverse. *evil cackle*
diachrony From: diachrony Date: May 20th, 2009 03:55 am (UTC) (Link)
Reaction upon reading: I groaned painfully "Oh my Gooooood."

Then I laughed.

I think I'm still feeling a bit of pain, though...

28 comments or speak 2 me