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Drabble: Kingmaker - Words in the Heroes' Tongue
I have a variable-sword. I urge calm.
Drabble: Kingmaker
I’ve been reading a lot of stories on ‘Twisting the Hellmouth’ recently. One of the BtVS/Lord of the Rings crossovers there is apparently about Buffy being sent to Middle Earth by the Powers That Be to give indirect aid in the War of the Ring. I haven’t read the story, nor am I likely to do so, but I was inspired by the last line of the summary: ‘More specifically she’s to help the King of Gondor get on his throne.’ Here is my version in a 100-word drabble. Rating G.


Faramir cried out “Behold the King!” Then Aragorn stood, and the people cheered, and he made his way to the Throne Room.

From Nûmenor came the throne, brought thither by Elendil, and it was exceedingly tall. Too high, for its seat stood a full five feet from the ground, and for a moment Aragorn was nonplussed.

Then Gandalf called out “Slayer, perform your duty!”

Buffy took hold of Aragorn by the hips, and lifted him up, and set him down upon the throne. “Okay, wizard guy,” she said. “I’ve helped him get on his throne. Can I go home now?”

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18 comments or speak 2 me
xc_runner50 From: xc_runner50 Date: February 8th, 2009 06:18 pm (UTC) (Link)
Yup.....Buffy a Hero on the hellmouth....and a chair helper person for the King. Brilliant you know what kind of crossover i want...a Spuffy Lotr. I want one really bad but I'm yet to find it. Very funny Drabble.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: February 9th, 2009 03:12 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!

I haven't seen any Spuffy LotR crossovers either. Usually they're Bugolas. Maybe one day I'll write a Spiladriel one... although as Gimli/Galadriel is one of my OPTs I'd find it hard.
From: beer_good_foamy Date: February 8th, 2009 06:20 pm (UTC) (Link)
Let's hope for Buffy's sake her duties don't include flushing after his Majesty is done, ahem, performing his royal duties.

...oh, that kind of throne. Nevermind.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: February 9th, 2009 03:15 am (UTC) (Link)
That sort of 'throne' never occurred to me. It must be primarily American slang.

I noticed you've posted 'The Scouring of the Shire' at TtH. I suggested, in a comment a long time ago, that we post the full 'War of the Rings' there but you didn't answer.

The presence of Lindsay Lohan and the Grateful Dead might be a problem, of course, because of the site rules forbidding Real People.
sammywol From: sammywol Date: February 9th, 2009 05:38 pm (UTC) (Link)
That would make her a Lady of the Privvy Chamber. There's historical precedent there.
ffutures From: ffutures Date: February 8th, 2009 06:37 pm (UTC) (Link)
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: February 9th, 2009 03:21 am (UTC) (Link)
If the original summary had said 'help the King of Rohan get on his throne' it would have made more sense; but Aragorn is a fit and healthy bloke and he wouldn't need help to get on a normal-sized throne.
elsaf From: elsaf Date: February 8th, 2009 06:52 pm (UTC) (Link)
And here I thought we were in for some toilet humor when I read your rationale for the story.

I'm seeing Buffy meeting with Aragorn secretly:

"OK, here's how it works," Buffy said impatiently. She was eager to get this over with and get back to Sunnydale. "Fiber. Bran. Raw vegetables and things like wheat grass. Eat them, don't rub them on your butt. You'll be on the throne again in no time."
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: February 9th, 2009 03:16 am (UTC) (Link)
That interpretation never occurred to me. I suspect that it might be primarily American slang.
mwrgana From: mwrgana Date: February 20th, 2009 10:16 am (UTC) (Link)
It's ages-old slang in Wales! You need to get out more, *g*!
framefolly From: framefolly Date: February 8th, 2009 08:48 pm (UTC) (Link)
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: February 9th, 2009 03:16 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
booster17 From: booster17 Date: February 8th, 2009 09:49 pm (UTC) (Link)
A lot cleaner than I thought it was gonna be after reading that summary. *grin*

My favourite TtH summary I've seen recently involved Glory coming back, determined to "meat the Scoobies".
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: February 9th, 2009 03:18 am (UTC) (Link)
It might have been a correct spelling; after all, she did a fair job of meating Spike.
audela From: audela Date: February 8th, 2009 09:53 pm (UTC) (Link)
OK, that's scary. As soon as I read your prompt line, I knew where you were going to go with this. Nooooooo! Some things, I'm just not meant to know.

It is fun, though.

speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: February 9th, 2009 03:18 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
mwrgana From: mwrgana Date: February 20th, 2009 10:18 am (UTC) (Link)
Oh, cruel and unusual piss-taking. It does the heart good!

And now I've got a picture of Aragorn, a la Dennis Waterman in Little Britain, in my mind...
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: February 20th, 2009 02:48 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you! Cruel and unusual piss-taking is what Speakers do best.
18 comments or speak 2 me