Log in

No account? Create an account
I speak 2 customrs customrs' speak 2 me calendar about s2c Speaker's Corner Previously on s2c Previously on s2c Next Next
LotR ficlet; Lord of the Wings - Words in the Heroes' Tongue
I have a variable-sword. I urge calm.
LotR ficlet; Lord of the Wings
Belated Happy Birthdays to: keswindhover, arclevel, xwingace, ottawa_fan, marco_villalta, elsaf, and saifai.

Acting as beta for the Wombat’s BtVS/LotR crossover fic Return of the Key has inspired me to produce yet another piece of pure insanity. A triple-drabble this time; no crossover elements (except very loosely with Animaniacs!). For once there is no mention of my usual LotR Gimli/Galadriel ’ship; although, of course, I’d have worked it in if I could. PG, 300 words, set during Return of the King. Groan warning.

Lord of the Wings

The Black Gates swung open. Forth from their forbidding maw rode out the five Heralds of Sauron to parley with the Army of the West.

“Is there anyone in this rabble with the authority to treat with us?” asked their leader, a man robed all in black, riding upon a black steed with black harness.

“I am the King Elessar,” Aragorn announced himself. “Who are you, and your fellows?”

“I am the Mouth of Sauron,” said the Herald.

Aragorn’s questioning gaze swung to the next rider. This was a man mighty of stature, such that he seemed more ogre than man, clad in plate armour of black steel and bearing a massive black hammer.

“I am the Hand of Sauron,” the warrior boomed out. “Tremble before me, puny king.”

Aragorn merely raised an eyebrow and turned to the next. This was no human but a black centaur.

“I am known as the Legs of Sauron,” declared the centaur, “for I am matchless in speed.”

“And you?” Aragorn asked the fourth Herald.

This being was of human shape but was covered in black fur and had the head of a wolf. Nostrils flared as the Herald sniffed at Aragorn. “The Nose of Sauron am I,” said the werewolf, “and once I have the scent of an enemy I can track him even unto the ends of the world.”

The last of the Heralds was a strange figure indeed. A great bird, perhaps the size of Gwaihir the Windlord, but this was no eagle; a giant chicken with black feathers stood before the Gates of Morannon and looked back at Aragorn.

The King of Gondor raised his eyebrows. “What of you, fowl creature?” he asked.

The enormous rooster raised his beak and crowed before replying. “Isn’t it obvious? I am Sauron’s cock.”

Tags: , , ,
Current Location: The Gates of Morannon

17 comments or speak 2 me
vikingprincess From: vikingprincess Date: August 23rd, 2008 08:06 pm (UTC) (Link)

speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: August 23rd, 2008 08:40 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
adriana_is From: adriana_is Date: August 23rd, 2008 08:21 pm (UTC) (Link)
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: August 23rd, 2008 08:40 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
ffutures From: ffutures Date: August 23rd, 2008 08:37 pm (UTC) (Link)
I take it that the Hand is Olaf? Nice one anyway!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: August 23rd, 2008 08:41 pm (UTC) (Link)
Aha! You spotted me sneaking Olaf in. He's wearing a full face helm, and the horns look like part of the helmet, and so no-one else noticed him.
bogwitch From: bogwitch Date: August 23rd, 2008 08:54 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hee! Almost two punchlines!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: August 31st, 2008 06:33 pm (UTC) (Link)
I started off by thinking "if there is a 'Mouth of Sauron', is there another official who is the 'Spleen of Sauron'?" And then my mind wandered downwards and I had the whole thing.

Edited at 2008-08-31 06:35 pm (UTC)
ayinhara From: ayinhara Date: August 23rd, 2008 09:12 pm (UTC) (Link)
Olaf does like his hammers. Somehow I see Olaf as a Loki type creature, rather than as a totally evil minion of Sauron. Still I got a good chuckle from the last line.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: August 31st, 2008 06:35 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you! I think that Olaf would be happy bashing foes with hammers for any employer, good or evil, although his opportunities for Merry Sport might be a little limited in Sauron's service. Perhaps the Haradrim have some attractive daughters.
elsaf From: elsaf Date: August 24th, 2008 01:47 am (UTC) (Link)
Thanks for the birthday wishes. It was quite a pleasant day. :-)
thismaz From: thismaz Date: August 24th, 2008 06:17 am (UTC) (Link)
OMG, groan, double groan and, just for effect, triple groan. But you did give warning, so it's my own fault.

I came to look at what you write and although LotR is not my thing (I never did actually finish reading it *ducks behind the nearest Ent*) I am friending you back. Cheers.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: August 31st, 2008 06:38 pm (UTC) (Link)
LotR isn't normally my thing either except as the setting for a few ultra-weird crossovers - this time as a response to my wife's sensible LotR crossover fic.
owenthurman From: owenthurman Date: August 24th, 2008 03:39 pm (UTC) (Link)
Fowl indeed!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: August 31st, 2008 06:39 pm (UTC) (Link)
I almost chickened out of posting this one as I thought it might get only a poultry response.
blueskink From: blueskink Date: August 27th, 2008 03:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hi there. I'm Pfeifferpacks husband, the strange. Just got this LJ and friended you.

Wishing you the best.

speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: August 31st, 2008 06:40 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you! Belated Happy Anniversary!
17 comments or speak 2 me