?

Log in

No account? Create an account
I speak 2 customrs customrs' speak 2 me calendar about s2c Speaker's Corner Previously on s2c Previously on s2c Next Next
The Book of Lost Trains - Words in the Heroes' Tongue
I have a variable-sword. I urge calm.
speakr2customrs
speakr2customrs
The Book of Lost Trains
Happy birthday to arclevel
“Well, I’m back.” The WriterCon UK MidiMeet was great fun. We stayed on until the Tuesday morning, to avoid possible problems with engineering works on the line like those that made our homeward journey last year somewhat circuitous and nerve-wracking, and saw Oxford with gillo and keswindhover, and Winchester by ourselves, before we set off for home.

I’ll post more about the event later. Those of us who did presentations have been asked to post summaries on writerconuk; mine will have to include the Lost Chapter. Last year the Wombat advised me not to write out a script but to work only from sketchy notes. I obeyed her, it worked reasonably well, and I did the same this year. I prepared a list of topics and first sentences, believing that would be enough to prompt my (normally excellent) memory, and to some extent it worked. Unfortunately I missed out a heading, lost my place, and omitted the topic of Plot altogether. If I do another talk next year (I’m trying to wiggle out of it and push the Wombat into doing one instead) I’ll follow my own instincts and do a much more detailed script. Sorry!

The return trip was comfortable and we had enough space to get out the laptop. I was able to beta-read CW’s next chapter of her BtVS/LotR crossover fic Return of the Key. I don’t like typing on the laptop, and so I didn’t do any writing on my own stories, but I did some planning. I also came up with the idea for one of my strangest crossovers ever...

Since Tolkien’s death his son Christopher has been pillaging his notes and rough drafts for an interminable series of rip-offs books. Unfinished Tales, The Book of Lost Tales, and so on; until it seems as if it will end up with Unfinished Crosswords and The Book of Lost Buttons. Suppose, however, that J.R.R. Tolkien had made some notes after reading the Reverend Awdry’s Railway Stories? What might have appeared posthumously? Here is my attempt to answer that previously unasked question with the first ever Lord of the Rings/Thomas the Tank Engine crossover fic. Two double-drabbles and a drabble. 2 x 200 + 1 x 100 = 500 words. PG.

The Book of Lost Trains


Balrog the Fire Engine was dreadfully careless. Although he was warned that he should not pass he raced through the level crossing gates and onto the tracks. Gandalf the Grey Engine was too close to stop and they collided. Gandalf was derailed and fell over. Balrog the Fire Engine was smashed to pieces and the level crossing broke in his fall.

The Fat Controller took off his hat, scratched his head, and sighed. Eventually he decided to send Gandalf the Grey Engine off to the engineering works at Crewe. All of the other engines thought that they would never see Gandalf the Grey Engine again. At last, however, a familiar, but slightly different, engine returned to the Middle Earth Railway.

“Gandalf!” shouted Gimli the Prairie Tank Engine, blowing his whistle loudly. “Against all hope you return to us!” Legolas the A4 Pacific Engine shot a column of smoke high into the air. Aragorn the Coronation Class Engine released steam from his valves.

“Yes, I was Gandalf the Grey Engine,” the new arrival confirmed.

“You look different,” said Aragorn.

“Indeed,” said Gandalf, “for they have given me a gleaming new coat of paint, and now I am Gandalf the White Engine.”

- - - - -


Galadriel the A4 Pacific presented Sam with an oily rag from the workshops of Lothlorien, and Frodo with a headlight for the front of his boiler, and then turned to the last of the Companions. “And what gift would you ask of me, Gimli the Prairie Tank Engine?”

“Nothing, my Lady,” said Gimli, “other than perhaps a single piece of your coal, that I might set it in imperishable crystal and mount it on my footplate.”

“I bet that’s not all he wants to mount,” muttered Merry the Tank Engine. “I’ve seen the way his pistons pump when he looks at her.”

Galadriel heard the comment and steam hissed from her valve gear. “I shall give you the coal, Gimli,” she said, “but there can be nothing more between us. For you are a Prairie Tank and, although you have externally mounted cylinders, your water tanks are mounted at the sides of your boiler and you carry your coal in a bunker built as an integral part of your frame; whereas I, as an A4 Pacific, have a tender behind.”

“It’s nothing to do with me!” Gimli protested, as the Tank Engines chortled. “We never got as far as coupling!”

- - - - -


“Well, Sam,” said Frodo the Tank Engine, “we have done it. The Turntable of Doom is destroyed and the Evil Controller has been foiled. I couldn’t have done it without you, Sam. You have been a Really Useful Engine.”

“Aye, Master Frodo,” said Sam the Saddle Tank Engine, “although we couldn’t have done it without Gollum the Troublesome Truck.”

“True,” Frodo conceded. “Alas, we are in trouble now, for without the Turntable of Doom we are trapped on this siding.”

“Don’t you worry, Master Frodo,” said Sam, “we’ll make it out of here yet, for here comes Gwaihir the Helicopter!”

Tags: , , , ,

33 comments or speak 2 me
Comments
kazzy_cee From: kazzy_cee Date: August 20th, 2008 10:35 am (UTC) (Link)
"turntable of doom"

*snickers*

I'm a firm believer in having a 'script' for a presentation. My lesson plans could be picked up by anyone to present. Having said that, I didn't do that for writercon and maybe I should have :)
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: August 23rd, 2008 08:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
pinkfriction From: pinkfriction Date: August 20th, 2008 10:38 am (UTC) (Link)
That made me chortle merrily.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: August 23rd, 2008 08:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
ffutures From: ffutures Date: August 20th, 2008 10:50 am (UTC) (Link)
Gollum the Troublesome Truck

Riiiiight....
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: August 23rd, 2008 08:07 pm (UTC) (Link)
The orcs are, of course, diesels.
gillo From: gillo Date: August 20th, 2008 11:16 am (UTC) (Link)
Gwaihir the Helicopter.

Oh dear.

Horribly plausible.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: August 23rd, 2008 08:08 pm (UTC) (Link)
In my first draft it was Harold the Helicopter, from the Thomas series, but Gwaihir works better.
draconin From: draconin Date: August 20th, 2008 11:24 am (UTC) (Link)
You have a very strange mind. :-)
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: August 23rd, 2008 08:09 pm (UTC) (Link)
I suppose I have.
zanthinegirl From: zanthinegirl Date: August 20th, 2008 12:38 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hee! Just what I need this morning!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: August 23rd, 2008 08:09 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
quinara From: quinara Date: August 20th, 2008 01:01 pm (UTC) (Link)
You laid the path for Tank Engine smut! Tee hee hee...

Gandalf the White Engine would have been pretty quickly grey again when the toy-version had gone through a few living rooms. *nods*
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: August 23rd, 2008 08:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
Grubby finger-marks on his shiny white boiler... and, on the actual Island of Sodor/Middle Earth, soot marks because he's a steam engine.
hurry_sundown From: hurry_sundown Date: August 20th, 2008 03:50 pm (UTC) (Link)
Here is my attempt to answer that previously unasked question with the first ever Lord of the Rings/Thomas the Tank Engine crossover fic.

And that right there is where I started laughing. Well done!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: August 23rd, 2008 08:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
From: peasant_ Date: August 20th, 2008 04:19 pm (UTC) (Link)
Many LOLs.

And I'm looking forward to the Alien/Camberwick Green crossover when you have time.
curiouswombat From: curiouswombat Date: August 20th, 2008 09:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
That might have to wait until he finishes Predator vs Windy Miller.
bogwitch From: bogwitch Date: August 20th, 2008 10:07 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hee!

I think the HSE might be rather interested in the first incident.

I'm fast thinking I'm going to need a LOTR icon.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: August 23rd, 2008 08:13 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!

I found a LotR icon without much trouble but it's not terribly interesting.
sammywol From: sammywol Date: August 20th, 2008 10:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
Ouch! I think I hurt myself.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: August 23rd, 2008 08:13 pm (UTC) (Link)
Sorry!
audela From: audela Date: August 21st, 2008 03:17 am (UTC) (Link)
Galadriel has a tender behind?

This was crazy fun, good to see you back.

speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: August 23rd, 2008 08:14 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
thismaz From: thismaz Date: August 24th, 2008 06:01 am (UTC) (Link)
“We never got as far as coupling!”
*laughing* OMG, okay, yes, you pulled it off. Luckily, I could remember the films well enough to recognise the reference points.
Gwaihir the Helicopter! *still laughing*
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: August 31st, 2008 06:31 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: November 11th, 2012 11:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
Note to self; stick this up at Faerie
33 comments or speak 2 me