I have committed more ‘Dr. Horrible’ fic. This is Part One of what should be a three-part story; it would be short enough to do as a single item but I’ve reached a natural break point and so I’ll stop now to return to ‘Tabula Avatar’. I’ll finish it off after I complete TA Chapter 60.
Spoilers for the whole of ‘Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog’. Slight crossover (creature only) with ‘Primeval’. Rating PG so far, but the story outline calls for a lot of violence in the next parts that will probably push it into R territory. Inspired by a comment that beer_good_foamy made on horrible_fic. Summary; the Evil League of Evil face a situation that pushes them into acting in an uncharacteristic fashion.
Just For One Day
“I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair,” Tie-Die sang, as she strode into the meeting chamber of the Evil League of Evil.
“In Seventy-seven and Sixty-nine revolution was in the air.
I was born too late, into a world that doesn’t care,
I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair.”
She reached her chair, spun around, and flopped into her seat. “Love and peace,” she said, raising her fingers in a Peace sign, “only, hey, in a totally evil fashion. Anyone know what the meeting is about? Fury? Anyone?”
Fury Leika lowered her bouquet until it was resting on the edge of the table. “No. I guess Bad Horse will tell us when we’re all here.” She swung her head and turned her cold eyes on each of the group in turn. “Snake Bite, Professor Normal, Dead Bowie, Fake Thomas Jefferson… we’re just waiting for the new guy, Dr. Horrible.”
The door swung open. “Now Doctor Horrible is here,” Dr. Horrible sang, as he entered, “to make you quake with fear.”
“Hey, what’s up, Doc?” Tie-Die greeted him.
Dr. Horrible glared at her. “Don’t say that,” he snapped. He took his seat and glowered at the other members of the League. “What’s this all about? I was in the middle of constructing a laser drill to penetrate armored safes.”
Fake Thomas Jefferson rose to his feet. “Gentlemen, ladies, pray silence for our most sinister leader, the Esteemed Equine of Evil, B-“
He was interrupted by the sudden appearance of three singing cowboys.
“Bad Horse, Bad Horse, the Thoroughbred of Sin.
He’d like to thank you all for kindly coming in.
The meeting will be starting the moment he appears.
Now we’ll head off back to the bar and finish off our beers!
Bad Horse, Bad Horse,
Bad Horse, Bad Horse!”
They dashed to the door, threw it open to admit Bad Horse, and then made their exits.
The leader of the Evil League of Evil tossed his head and sounded his Whinny of Calling the Meeting to Order. He pointed with his nose at Professor Normal.
The mad scientist stood up. Fake Thomas Jefferson sat down. “Thank you, Bad Horse,” Professor Normal said. “Ladies, gentlemen, and Undead, it was I who asked our leader to call you together for this conference. We have a problem.”
“What, there is new superhero in town?” Snake Bite rolled her Venom Staff between her palms. “If he is threat then I kill him. End of problem.”
“Ah. I’m afraid it’s not that simple.” Professor Normal’s robotic sideburns wobbled as his jaw flexed. “It’s more of a… natural disaster. I can’t be blamed. It was the kind of thing that could have happened to any evil scientist. World-ending catastrophe is just an occupational hazard.”
Bad Horse gave his Whinny of Hurry Up and Get to the Point.
“I accidentally created a temporal anomaly,” Professor Normal confessed.
“Temporal anomaly? Time travel?” Dr. Horrible sat up straight in his seat. “You can go back into the past?” His eyes gleamed. I could save Penny…
“The past? Oh, no, of course not, Dr. Horrible,” Professor Normal said, shaking his head. “That might cause a paradox and destroy the entire space-time continuum. My intention was to bring back objects from the future. Technology that would give me, and of course the Evil League of Evil, an irresistible edge over the miserable super-heroes who plague our lives.”
“So what went wrong?” Dr. Horrible asked.
“It all worked perfectly,” Professor Normal said. “There was only one small flaw in my calculations. I misplaced a decimal point. By, ah, six places.”
Dr. Horrible frowned. “How far into the future were you trying to go?”
“Thirty-nine years,” Professor Normal replied. “I’ve always liked that number.”
“Cool, man, a post-apocalyptic future wasteland,” said Dead Bowie. “In the year of the scavenger, the season of the bitch.”
“Post apocalyptic, definitely,” Professor Normal continued. “I, uh, overshot.”
Dr. Horrible was the first to realize what the Professor meant. “Six decimal places. Thirty-nine million years?” He raised a hand and shifted his goggles up onto his forehead. “The world must have changed a lot.” The goggles wobbled up and down as he frowned. “I don’t see how this counts as a catastrophe.”
“The animals have changed,” Professor Normal explained. “Evolved. Some of them came through the temporal anomaly.”
“I think that you do not mean mice,” Snake Bite said. Her tongue flicked out and caressed her lips.
“I suppose it’s possible that their ancestors were mice in this time period,” the Professor said, “although I’d be inclined to guess at something more carnivorous. Whatever their ancestry was originally, after millions of years of post-Man evolution, they’ve become sophisticated predators. Savage, agile, fast, and strong. Absolutely lethal.” He put a hand to his throat and fiddled with his tie. “They attacked me. I protected myself with my force field, of course, but one of them struck with such force that it knocked me out, even through the field.”
Dead Bowie shrugged. “I could do that,” he said, “and probably Fury Leika could too. Or Captain Hammer. What’s the big deal?”
“You’re also a sophisticated predator, true,” Professor Normal agreed, “but that’s sophisticated in a cultural sense. These things are rampaging monsters that pose a potential threat to the whole of mankind.” He reached into the pocket of his jacket. “My automated cameras took photos of the scene whilst I was unconscious. Look at them.” He divided a wad of glossy six-by-fours into two, handed one sheaf to Snake Bite, and leaned across the table to pass the others to Tie-Die.
Snake Bite glanced at the top photo and passed it on to Dead Bowie. “Nasty looking geezer,” the undead super-villain commented. “Uglier than the Ever-Circling Skeletal Family.” He offered the picture to False Thomas Jefferson and took another from Snake Bite.
Dr. Horrible twiddled his thumbs and waited until one of the pictures circulated round to him. “Hmm.” He peered at the creature in the photograph. “I’d estimate the size as approximately equal to that of an adult male gorilla.”
“That agrees with my estimate,” Professor Normal confirmed.
“Very small eyes, perhaps vestigial, but large, forward-facing, ears. The arrangement of the teeth resembles that of an insectivore. Perhaps a descendant of bats?” Dr. Horrible glanced at the next picture, stiffened, and swung down his goggles to examine the photo more closely.
Bad Horse gave the Whinny of This Is All Very Interesting but What Does It Have to Do with Us?
“Possibly the end of the world, your supreme stallion-ness,” Professor Normal told him.
“Uh-oh,” said Dr. Horrible. “This doesn’t look good.”
“Ah. You spotted it as well.”
“Yeah, well, it’s pretty obvious to a scientific mind,” Dr. Horrible said.
“Hey, maybe you could share with those of us who aren’t nerds?” Tie-Die prompted.
“A pregnant female, dear lady,” Fake Thomas Jefferson told her. “And, if I am not mistaken, there are small offspring clinging to the stomach fur of another. We have been invaded by a breeding colony of carnivorous monsters.”
“From the future,” Professor Normal added. It was difficult for the other members of the League to read his expression, with his eyes hidden by his micro-goggles and his face obscured by the robot sideburns, but there seemed to be a touch of irritation in his tone. His long-standing rivalry with the polymath Fake Thomas Jefferson had been exacerbated by the induction of another Mad Scientist into the League. Now there were three contenders for the position of Top Evil Brain.
Dr. Horrible raised his goggles again. “Is the portal still open?”
“No, the Wonderflonium charge burned out while I was unconscious, and the temporal anomaly shut down,” Professor Normal replied. He fiddled with his tie again. “By that time, unfortunately, fifteen of them had come through into this time.”
“Fifteen?” Dr. Horrible whistled. “I wonder what their metabolic rate is. You said they were fast?”
Bad Horse whinnied again and tapped the floor with his right front hoof in an ominously impatient fashion.
“They’re very fast, I’m sure they have a very high metabolic rate, and I think they’ll be eating people by the score before very long,” Professor Normal gabbled hurriedly. “It’s a disaster in the making. In a few years, if they breed and multiply, they could depopulate California. After that, the world.”
Bad Horse tossed his head and gave a cynical whinny.
“Well, yes, but we can’t survive without the rest of humanity,” Professor Normal pointed out. “And I’m sure that they’ll eat horses too.”
“So, what, you think we ought to fix your mess?” Tie-Die said.
“Would you rather leave it to the authorities?” the Professor asked.
Tie-Die’s eyes, or what could be seen of them through the holes in her silver domino mask, narrowed. “I wouldn’t trust the authorities with anything,” she said. “Or the local superheroes. Captain Hammer hasn’t been much use since Dr. Horrible defeated him. Johnny Snow’s okay, I suppose, but he wouldn’t be up to this.”
“We are villains,” Snake Bite pointed out. “Our job it is to kill people, not save them.”
Dr. Horrible stretched his hands out on the table, raised his fingers, and stared down at his heavy gauntlets. He sucked in his lips as he debated with himself.
“I don’t really care if those things eat men,” Fury Leika said, “but I suppose they’d eat women too.”
“We can’t rule over people who have been devoured,” Fake Thomas Jefferson mused. “I deem that it is in our own self-interest to take up arms against these monsters that pose a clear and present danger to the people of this metropolis of Los Angeles and these United States of America.”
“I wanted to cut off the head of the system and replace it with something better, namely me,” said Dr. Horrible, “not to stand by as monsters devour the populace. I’m willing to do something.”
Bad Horse shook his head and gave a whinny of disapproval.
“I called Hourglass before I requested that you hold this meeting,” Professor Normal revealed. “He hasn’t been able to see any visions of the future at all for the past few hours.”
Bad Horse scraped the floor with a hoof and curled back his top lip to reveal his teeth.
“I’m not sure what it means, but it can’t be good,” the Professor went on. “I suspect that it means that the world is in jeopardy.”
Bad Horse gave a non-committal whicker, tossed his head and twitched his ears, and then turned and clip-clopped out of the room. It was obvious to all that he was washing his hands, or hooves, of the whole thing but wasn’t going to forbid the others from acting.
“Okay, count me in, Professor,” said Tie-Die.
“Me too,” said Fury Leika.
Snake Bite shrugged. “It is not how things are supposed to be,” she said, “and I think you make the danger more than it is, but I will stand with my sisters in evil. If you fight, I will also.”
“Myself, the Professor of course, the three ladies, and Dr. Horrible,” Fake Thomas Jefferson listed. “What about you, Dead Bowie?”
“Yeah, why not? If the rest of you are up for it, I’ll tag along and give a hand.” Dead Bowie gave a languid shrug. “We can be heroes. Just for one day.”
Disclaimer: the characters in this story do not belong to me, but are being used for amusement only and all rights remain with Joss Whedon, his co-writers, and Mutant Enemy. All Rights Reserved. The ‘future predators’ are taken from ‘Primeval’, created by Adrian Hodges and Tim Haines, and produced by Impossible Pictures for ITV. All rights remain with the copyright holders. Lyrics sung by Tie-Die are taken from ‘I Wish I Was A Punk Rocker’ by Alexandria ‘Sandi’ Thom. Other lyrics are pastiches of the songs from ‘Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog’ written by Joss and Jed Whedon.