First there was Blind Date, then there was In A Big Country, and now here is yet another extract from The Secret Diary of Dawn Summers (Height 16 ¾ metres). 300 words, rating R, mild spoilers for the Buffy Season 8 comics.
They Might Be Giants
“I is the only nice and jumbly Giant in Giant Country!” shouted the BFG. He aimed a punch at the Cerne Abbas Giant but was hit on the head by the wings of the Angel of the North and fell to the ground.
King Kong picked up one of the BFG’s snozzcumbers and bit into it. He screwed up his face and spat out his mouthful of disgusting vegetable. He used what was left of the snozzcumber as a club to belabour Optimus Prime. The Cerne Abbas Giant rabbit-punched Kong but was then struck by an upward kick from the prone BFG and doubled up in agony.
The Angel of the North hurled himself at Optimus Prime. The two metal juggernauts collided in a shower of sparks. The noise of the impact sent the glen’s resident wolf pack, preserved in splendid isolation for three hundred years after the extinction of the rest of Scotland’s wolves, fleeing in terror. Kong pelted the wolves with snozzcumbers as they fled and then returned to the fray.
A procession of Japanese monks wended their way past the battling giants. Satsu ran out from the castle to meet them.
“Greetings, honourable sirs,” she said. “How can I help you?”
“We are here to see Dawn Summers,” the abbot informed her.
Satsu raised her eyebrows. “Indeed? Are you not a little... small?”
“We are not suitors, girl,” said the abbot.
Dawn, who had been watching the melee from behind the battlements, stepped over the castle wall and joined the monks. “Okay, guys,” she said, “what can I do for you?”
The abbot unfurled a scroll. “Honourable Dawn Summers,” he said, “we invite you to come to Japan.”
“What, to flatten Tokyo?”
“No. We wish you to be the Chief Judge at the Kanamara Matsuri Penis Festival.”