Log in

No account? Create an account
I speak 2 customrs customrs' speak 2 me calendar about s2c Speaker's Corner Previously on s2c Previously on s2c Next Next
Ficlet: Thomas and the Troublesome Troll - Words in the Heroes' Tongue
I have a variable-sword. I urge calm.
Ficlet: Thomas and the Troublesome Troll

Happy birthday to Queen of Crossovers jedibuttercup

This is a crossover far madder than any of hers. It’s not the Olaf ficlet that I mentioned yesterday; I was attacked by a most unusual plot bunny during the night at work and I couldn’t resist its onslaught. I had to set to work as soon as I arrived home and here is the result. Another of the series in which Willow’s banishing spell sends Olaf into another fandom instead of to the Land of the Trolls. This time it’s to the Island of Sodor, the setting for the ‘Railway Series’ by Rev. W. Awdry, starring Thomas the Tank Engine. Rating PG. 700 words.

Thomas and the Troublesome Troll

Henry the Green Engine slammed on his brakes and blew a blast on his whistle. The enormous humanoid figure who stood in the middle of the tracks ignored the whistle’s warning and stood firm.

“Ho, engine, I challenge you,” roared Olaf, for it was he. “I have found a railwayman’s hammer and, though it is not the match of my Troll God hammer, it will serve well enough to wreak destruction on all who oppose me in this island of Sodor.”

Henry came to a screeching halt a few feet short of Olaf. The troll bellowed a war cry and brandished the hammer high. Henry thought of the damage that the hammer could do to his fine green paint and burnished brass and hastily threw himself into reverse. Olaf threw back his head and roared with laughter.

Another whistle, and a rapidly approaching ‘chuffing’ noise, heralded the arrival of Gordon the Big Engine pulling the Express. Olaf turned to confront the new arrival. Soon Gordon, too, was braking to a halt and then frantically backing away.

The Fat Controller, Sir Topham Hatt, arrived at a run to find out what was disrupting the passage of the trains. Olaf charged him, bellowing war cries, and pursued the Fat Controller along the branch line.

“You do well to flee, Fat Controller,” yelled Olaf. “I shall pulverise your locomotives and your goods wagons. I shall burn their coal and make merry sport with the more attractive carriages.”

At that moment Thomas the Tank Engine appeared behind Olaf, who was still watching the Fat Controller’s flight and did not see the small engine; the noise of Henry and Gordon’s whistles drowned out the sound of Thomas approaching. Thomas seized the opportunity and rushed at top speed along the line. He rammed into Olaf and sent the troll flying from the track.

Olaf went up in the air and through the doors of the engine repair shed. There he landed in a vat of paint being used to retouch the paint of James the Red Engine. There was a mighty ‘splash’ and Olaf surfaced, spluttering, completely red from head to foot.

“By Odin!” he exclaimed. “Now I am Olaf the Red.”

The Fat Controller turned around in his flight and hurried back, panting, to confront the troll. “You have been a great nuisance,” he said, “and I hope you are thoroughly ashamed of yourself. Either go away or buy a ticket.”

“Your little blue engine has vanquished me fair and square, oh fat one,” said Olaf, “and I shall depart from the Island of Sodor. I shall take a boat across the Irish Sea to the Isle of Man, and there I shall make merry sport at the Tourist Trophy races. First, however, I must partake of some fragrant ale, for I am exceedingly thirsty and this paint is a vile taste in my mouth. I have silver with which to pay.”

The Fat Controller frowned, but he felt sympathy for the paint-covered troll and, reluctantly, agreed. The Express had come to a halt nearby and the Fat Controller climbed up into the buffet car. He returned a few moments later carrying a tray laden with disposable paper cups filled with beer. He handed one to Olaf, who raised it to his lips and sipped.

“A poor brew,” said Olaf. “Watney’s Red Barrel. It quenches the thirst but that is all.” Olaf drained the cup and burped.

The Fat Controller gave him another beer. “Better,” said Olaf. “Young’s Special London Ale.”

Sir Topham Hatt raised his eyebrows. “Correct,” he said. “Try this one.”

“Newcastle Brown Ale,” said Olaf, gulping the beer down. He held out his hand for a refill. “Ah, Marston’s Pedigree Bitter,” he declared. “A fine brew indeed.”

“I’m impressed,” said the Fat Controller, “but I doubt that you will be able to correctly identify this one.”

“Hah!” Olaf said, upon tasting the beer. “I recognise this one too. Három Király, from the Pécs brewery in Hungary.”

“You are right,” confirmed the Fat Controller. “You have correctly identified every beer stocked by the Sodor Railways. Truly remarkable.”

“Yes,” agreed Thomas, with a hiss of released steam. “Rude Olaf the Red knows train beer.”

Olaf at the TT Races

Tags: ,
Current Location: The Island of Sodor

30 comments or speak 2 me
elisi From: elisi Date: March 10th, 2008 01:07 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm not sure if I should be terrified or in awe. I think I'll just go for laughing a lot! :)
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 13th, 2008 08:25 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
ffutures From: ffutures Date: March 10th, 2008 01:47 pm (UTC) (Link)

OK, won't be making any puns any time soon...
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 13th, 2008 08:27 am (UTC) (Link)
I've had that one on file, waiting to use it, for years,
weird_cowgirl From: weird_cowgirl Date: March 10th, 2008 03:28 pm (UTC) (Link)
I think it's a fantastic pun! (And story; the story is great too.)
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 13th, 2008 08:28 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
willowgreen From: willowgreen Date: March 10th, 2008 04:22 pm (UTC) (Link)
Ha! Fabulous, even without the pun. I look back fondly on the Thomas years, but they would have been improved by a little rude troll activity.

--Willowgreen, tempted to get out the Brio trains and play while the kids are in school
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 13th, 2008 08:30 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!

I was always a little puzzled by one thing about the Thomas stories. The engines were sentient and anthropomorphic, and were blamed when they did anything wrong, and yet they had drivers!
agilebrit From: agilebrit Date: March 10th, 2008 05:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm.... giggling madly over here, but I think I'm going to refrain from reading this to Da Boy. He goes ballistic whenever we mention "Harold the Hellfire Helicopter;" I can only imagine how he'd react to this.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 13th, 2008 08:42 am (UTC) (Link)
So he's a Thomas purist, then?

I'm a bit like that about the 'Thomas and the Magic Railroad'. Even the title is sacrilegious - Sodor is in Britain and so it's Railway - and the plot was nonsensical. Magic required to travel to Sodor? When there is a perfectly good bridge across the strait and two operating ports? WTF?
gillo From: gillo Date: March 10th, 2008 05:47 pm (UTC) (Link)
Good lord, I didn't see that one coming. Though I'm glad he approved of the Masrtons and the Newky Broon.

And I
to see Olaf at the TT races now.

Well up to your usual standard!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 13th, 2008 12:33 am (UTC) (Link)

Olaf at the TT Races

Thank you!

Your wish is my command; after a day of frantic writing Olaf can now be seen at the TT races. Perhaps not the races that you were expecting, however; it's in 1935.
jedibuttercup From: jedibuttercup Date: March 10th, 2008 06:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
*laughing* Yes, that is a crossover far madder than mine. A lot of yours are; and you do a breathtakingly good job of them.

Thanks for the birthday wishes!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 13th, 2008 08:44 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
evilawyer From: evilawyer Date: March 10th, 2008 09:26 pm (UTC) (Link)
***jump-yips with delight!*** A trollish beer story! Those more attractive carriages got off easy this time, too, I see. Great story.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 13th, 2008 08:53 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
booster17 From: booster17 Date: March 10th, 2008 10:10 pm (UTC) (Link)
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! The sheer pain of that gag just reached out and smacked me.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 13th, 2008 09:02 am (UTC) (Link)
From: averageshmoe Date: March 10th, 2008 10:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
OK, I'm an American and I don't drink beer.

Someone help me with this.


ps, still enjoyed the set up, just need help with the gag.
audela From: audela Date: March 11th, 2008 02:52 am (UTC) (Link)
Say the last line out loud.

And then GROAN!

selinde2 From: selinde2 Date: March 11th, 2008 09:12 pm (UTC) (Link)


Olaf and Thomas? Well, I'd never have thought of it, but it does work. You have the train voices and Olaf just so. And I love horrible puns.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 12th, 2008 05:43 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Hee!

I was thinking 'what would be the most unlikely setting to which I could possibly send Olaf' and the whole thing just popped into my head.
winsomeone From: winsomeone Date: March 13th, 2008 09:38 pm (UTC) (Link)

I shall have serious trouble next Christmas when I pull out Santa and his team.

Srsly, I haven't read many of your fics because I'm dreadfully dumb about crossovers and being American, I don't get many Brit jokes but this one, I got. I just love terrible puns. Great ficlet. :-)
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 13th, 2008 11:14 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!

Actually the majority of my stories (if you count the 'Where did Olaf go?' series as one story rather than many) aren't crossovers. I did one crossover ('Noggin and the Vampire') a long time ago but after that I kept to straight Buffyverse fics, except for the odd drabble, until I started 'Tabula Avatar'.

You might find that you would like 'Tabula Avatar' anyway; quite a few of its regular readers aren't familiar with the crossover universe. Buffy and co. aren't familiar with it either when they get sent there and so everything is introduced to the reader as the Scoobies learn about their new environment. The reverse isn't true; it is assumed that readers will have watched 'Buffy' and the Scoobies don't get any introduction. It just kicks straight off near the beginning of 'Tabula Rasa'.

Otherwise, you could try 'Angel of the Morning', 'Lonely on the Mountain', 'The Lonely Goatherd', 'The Good, the Bad, and Cordelia', ;Hounds of Love', It's Got to be Perfect, 'I am the Walrus', 'Merry Sport', or 'And Glory Shone Around'. All non-crossover, all complete, various pairings. Or 'Pandora's Boxer', but that was originally intended to be the first book of a trilogy and so there are a few loose ends left hanging.

Edited at 2008-03-13 11:20 pm (UTC)
ozma914 From: ozma914 Date: March 4th, 2009 11:40 am (UTC) (Link)
*giggles uncontrollably*
30 comments or speak 2 me