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Ficlet: Blind Date - Words in the Heroes' Tongue
I have a variable-sword. I urge calm.
speakr2customrs
speakr2customrs
Ficlet: Blind Date
After having worked all through last night and morning on Chapter 17 of Access All Areas I became stuck in a Dawn groove and couldn’t resist doing this. It was meant to be a drabble but there was no way I could get it down even close to 100 words. It ended up as a 500-word ficlet. Contains spoilers for a sub-plot in the Buffy Season 8 comics. Pairing Dawn/Other, surprise crossover, NC-17 for content even though there aren’t any actual naughty words or deeds. ETA: now with the html tag for the header closed so that it isn't in colossal type any longer. Although that was oddly appropriate.

Blind Date


Dawn’s head emerged from the freighter’s cargo hatch. “Are we there yet?”

“Nearly,” Willow replied. “Time to apply the perfume.”

Dawn picked up the four-gallon container between finger and thumb and worked the pump. “Nice,” she said, “but more fruity than sexy. Kinda like... banana.”

Willow swallowed hard. “Hey, he’ll like it, I promise.”

“He’d better. Although, hey, probably not that many fifty-foot women around for him to screw so I guess he’ll be horny anyway.” Dawn frowned. “You’re sure this is gonna work? Like, it was being an enormous slut got me into this predicament. More of the same might just make it worse and then, hey, the only career open to me will be totally trashing Tokyo.”

“It’ll work,” Willow assured her. “It’s sorta like homeopathy. Like cures like. Only without the diluting ten million times and the shaking. Uh, maybe there will be a whole lot of shaking going on.”

“And he’s tall, dark, and handsome?” Dawn pursed her lips. “Well, I suppose the tall is a given, but the rest?”

“Yep. Tall, dark, and good-looking, check.” Willow didn’t meet Dawn’s eyes.

Dawn sighed. “I won’t insist on the handsome part. I’ll boink an ugly guy if that’s what it takes to get me back to normal size.” She grimaced. “I won’t shrink until after he withdraws, right? I don’t want to, uh, explode.”

Willow winced. “It’s okay. It’ll take an hour for you to get back to normal.”

“That’s a relief.” Dawn gazed at the island off the port bow. “Where are we, anyway?”

“An island off the coast of Sumatra,” Willow told her.

“Called?” Dawn pressed.

“Uh, Skull Island,” Willow confessed.

“So not with the reassuringly normal name,” said Dawn. “Why couldn’t it have been Treasure Island or Pleasure Island or something? Or, considering why we’re here, even Penis Island?” She frowned. “Don’t tell me it has a hellmouth.”

“Nope. Definitely not with the hellmouth-having,” Willow assured her. “The name comes from a rock formation that looks like a skull.”

“Oh, yeah, I think I can see it,” said Dawn. “A penis-shaped rock would be more interesting.” She shook her head. “Boy, this whole ‘enormous slut’ curse is screwing with me big time. I can’t get my mind off sex. I so have to get laid and the curse broken.”

“Not long now,” said Willow.

“Good,” said Dawn. “Hey, what’s that noise? Drums and chanting. I’m getting this whole cannibal vibe. Or, hey, head-hunters. Kinda worrying. ‘Cause hey, my skull would probably match that rock formation pretty well.”

“The natives are celebrating the arrival of their god’s date,” Willow said. “They’re just, like, chanting his name. They’re glad he’s gonna get laid.”

“As long as they don’t want to watch, ‘cause ewww,” Dawn said. She concentrated on listening to the chants. “Willow, is there something you’re not telling me?”

“Uh, what makes you say that, Dawnie?”

“That name they’re chanting. I’ve heard it somewhere before.”

The native chant was clearly audible now. “Kong! Kong! Kong!”

Tags: , ,
Current Location: Off the coast of Sumatra
Current Music: Belinda Carlisle, "Big Scary Animal"

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Comments
ffutures From: ffutures Date: March 5th, 2008 07:43 am (UTC) (Link)
I could see it coming, but what the hell, it was still fun. What you don't say is what happens when she breaks the curse - Farmer had some very interesting speculation on Kong's attributes relative to Fay Wray in one of his stories...
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 5th, 2008 07:49 am (UTC) (Link)
I did put in a section in which Dawn asked Willow if she was sure that the curse wouldn't be broken until after he withdrew but it didn't seem to fit the mood of the piece and so I scrapped it.

Edited at 2008-03-05 07:50 am (UTC)
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 5th, 2008 08:33 am (UTC) (Link)
I've rewritten it to include a reference to the implications of the curse ending during the act. I discovered that I'd missed out a word and put the word-count wrong, so I had to do some revision anyway. I think that this time I've managed to preserve the mood.
zanthinegirl From: zanthinegirl Date: March 5th, 2008 11:01 am (UTC) (Link)
Hee! I mean I could see it coming, but still! Hee!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 5th, 2008 11:06 am (UTC) (Link)
Thanks! The outcome is a little more obvious than in most of my little funnies but I couldn't really avoid that and I decided it was amusing enough to get by anyway.
pfeifferpack From: pfeifferpack Date: March 5th, 2008 03:29 pm (UTC) (Link)
Dawn/Other is right! Kong LOL..... Too funny. Well she is following in Buffy's comic shoes isn't she...just experimenting after all.

Kathleen
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 5th, 2008 09:26 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!

Actually I think that this is somewhat more believable than the latest comic stunt.
pfeifferpack From: pfeifferpack Date: March 5th, 2008 10:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
Amen....and far more amusing.

Kathleen
framefolly From: framefolly Date: May 2nd, 2008 12:11 am (UTC) (Link)
Dawn/Kong -- LOL!!!

Tall and dark for sure!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: May 2nd, 2008 08:56 am (UTC) (Link)
The tallest, darkest, leading man in Hollywood, as Fay Wray was promised.
10 comments or speak 2 me