Speaker-to-Customers (speakr2customrs) wrote,
Speaker-to-Customers
speakr2customrs

An open letter to customers of all banks

Dear customers

If you get an e-mail telling you that if you don't click on a link and input all your password information your internet banking access will be terminated (or even that your account will be closed) DO NOT OBEY! The e-mail did not come from us. It came from an Eastern European mafia. They will steal all your money.

Frankly, my dear, we don't give a damn whether or not you use your internet banking. If you don't use it for years on end you'll probably forget your passwords but that's your problem. It's no skin off our nose.

Similarly, if you get a letter or e-mail telling you that you have won the Spanish (or British, if you're in North America) Lottery this is not genuine either. Did you enter the Spanish Lottery? No? Then how the fuck could you have won it? The Lottery makes its money through people buying tickets. Not through picking random people's addresses and/or e-mail addresses and then charging them between 8,500 and 19,500 GBP "admin fees" before sending you the millions of Euro "winnings". The letter or e-mail comes from a branch of the Ukranian Mafiya based in Toronto, Canada. They will keep your money and will not send you anything in return. Got it?

PLEASE STOP SENDING ALL YOUR MONEY AND BANK DETAILS TO THE UKRANIAN MAFIYA AND THEN CALLING US IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND EXPECTING ME TO GET THE MONEY BACK RIGHT THERE AND THEN. BECAUSE I CAN'T, OKAY? AND YOU'RE AN IDIOT.

And the widow of the late General Sani Abacha doesn't really need your help smuggling 130,000,000 dollars of purloined oil money out of Nigeria either.
Tags: general
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