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Ficlet: Hell Hath No Furry - Words in the Heroes' Tongue
I have a variable-sword. I urge calm.
speakr2customrs
speakr2customrs
Ficlet: Hell Hath No Furry

Belated Happy Birthday to rhi_silverflame


I mentioned back on the 1st that I’d had some success in the Fang Fetish Awards. I got a Runner-Up in the ‘Best Long Spuffy’ category for ‘Pandora’s Boxer’, Winner in the ‘Best Fluff/Lightheard Vampiric Non-Spuffy’ for ‘Pyromania’, and a Judge’s Choice for ‘It’s Got To Be Perfect’. Thanks to nominator(s), judges, and hosts. I really must get around to putting up some of my winning fics at ‘Just Rewards’.

I managed to do a little writing today in the brief interval between work and sleep. A Xander-in-Africa story – a genre that I refuse to abandon whatever Joss might say. Alas, this is hardly an example to rank with ‘Lonely On The Mountain’ – it’s an abysmally stupid micro-fic based on something that I misheard as CW was watching TV this morning. Rating G; 300 333 words (I've added to it since first posting).

Hell Hath No Furry


Xander almost dropped the binoculars. He rubbed his eyes and then raised the field-glasses once more. Yes, he really had seen it. A big cat unlike any that he had ever seen before. Totally hairless, like one of those Egyptian Sphinx cats, but it was the size of a cheetah. The same build, too, and the skin bore faint spots; it was, indeed, a bald cheetah. He stared in disbelief. How could it survive like that? He shook his head and moved on.

Two minutes later he was gazing in astonishment at more bald animals. An entire pack of African Hunting Dogs devoid of their dappled fur. It was as if Cruella De Ville was loose in the Serengeti.

In a nearby tree he saw a monkey sitting shivering. He guessed from its size and outline that it was a Zanzibar Red Colobus; it was impossible to be sure, however, as the distinctive red fur was completely absent. As was the hair of a Telford’s Shrew, scuttling through the grass at his feet, and that of a disconsolate Pemba Flying Fox hanging from an overhead branch.

Was some demonic agency at work? Xander hefted his rifle and wished that he had a Slayer with him. He was at full alertness as he advanced through the long grass.

Eventually he stumbled upon a zebra-striped Land Rover parked in the shade of a clump of Acacia trees. Beside the vehicle a group of fairly humanoid demons, clad in khaki shorts and bush hats, surrounded an unconscious Ader’s Duiker. They wielded clippers and sharp blades and a cloud of hair flew up as they worked.

“What the hell?” Xander exclaimed. “Stop that right now.”

One of the demons looked up. It somewhat resembled Clem and was not at all threatening in its appearance or manner. “Sorry, no can do,” it told Xander. “We must obey our master, Sean Connery, who summoned us and sent us forth to do his bidding. Africa’s endangered wildlife must be shaved.”

Tags: , , ,
Current Location: Out of Africa

28 comments or speak 2 me
Comments
agilebrit From: agilebrit Date: November 10th, 2007 08:04 pm (UTC) (Link)
HEE!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: November 18th, 2007 09:30 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!

Edited at 2007-11-18 09:31 am (UTC)
syderia From: syderia Date: November 10th, 2007 09:04 pm (UTC) (Link)
lol
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: November 18th, 2007 09:30 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!

Edited at 2007-11-18 09:31 am (UTC)
zanthinegirl From: zanthinegirl Date: November 10th, 2007 10:38 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hee!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: November 18th, 2007 09:30 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!

Edited at 2007-11-18 09:31 am (UTC)
From: hezzabeth Date: November 10th, 2007 11:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
HAH AWESOME!!!!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: November 18th, 2007 09:32 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
gillo From: gillo Date: November 11th, 2007 01:21 am (UTC) (Link)
I bet he shummoned them really.

I didn't see that one coming - the title made me expect a different sort of groan. You win. Again.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: November 18th, 2007 09:32 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
makd From: makd Date: November 11th, 2007 02:45 am (UTC) (Link)
:-)
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: November 18th, 2007 09:32 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
vikingprincess From: vikingprincess Date: November 11th, 2007 03:13 am (UTC) (Link)
oh, oh, so very wrong! *APPLAUDS*
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: November 18th, 2007 09:32 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
appomattoxco From: appomattoxco Date: November 11th, 2007 03:25 am (UTC) (Link)
hee!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: November 18th, 2007 09:33 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
ffutures From: ffutures Date: November 11th, 2007 03:49 am (UTC) (Link)
Poor Sean, I bet that wasn't quite what he had in mind. Shows you should be careful what you wish for...
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: November 18th, 2007 09:36 am (UTC) (Link)
A strange example of synchronicity; in the very next episode of QI they asked 'how could you tell a lion and a tiger apart if they were shaved bald?'

After seeing it, and finding out the answer, I went back to this story and made a slight modification. Apparently the patterns on a big cat's fur are duplicated on its skin.
audela From: audela Date: November 11th, 2007 04:22 am (UTC) (Link)
Aaagh! Groan! Hee!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: November 18th, 2007 09:36 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
quinara From: quinara Date: November 11th, 2007 07:52 am (UTC) (Link)
Hee! You've still got it.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: November 18th, 2007 09:36 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
spikereader From: spikereader Date: November 11th, 2007 09:35 am (UTC) (Link)
LOL - another Speaker classic.

Congratulations on all your awards, too.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: November 18th, 2007 09:37 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
From: fallchick Date: November 12th, 2007 01:36 pm (UTC) (Link)
He he!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: November 18th, 2007 09:37 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
lilred26x From: lilred26x Date: November 18th, 2007 03:28 am (UTC) (Link)
Very cute!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: November 18th, 2007 09:37 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
28 comments or speak 2 me