Speaker-to-Customers (speakr2customrs) wrote,

Don't panic when you see the title

This is a little fanfic about fanfic. 500 words, PG-13.

Goodbye and thanks for all the fic

‘The Bronze at the End of the Universe’ is a night-club that spans dimensions. Characters from a thousand Buffyverse fanfics call in there between chapters, or at the conclusions of their stories, to drink, relax, and chat with their counterparts from other stories. When the club first opened the characters would mingle indiscriminately but this led to some embarrassing cases of mistaken identity. Now, by unspoken mutual consent, the majority of interaction was between different versions of the same characters.

A Buffy who lived in blissful happiness with Angel chatted with other Buffys who lived with Spike, with Riley, with Xander, and with Captain Jack Sparrow. missmurchison’s Joyce who was having an affair with Spike exchanged gossip with speakr2customrs’ Joyce who was shagging Olaf the Troll, with half a dozen Joyces who had married Giles, and with one who had captivated and married a reformed Mayor Richard Wilkins. shadowscast’s ‘Fragmentsverse’ Xander talked to liz_marcs’ ‘Facing the Heart in Darkness’ Xander. A Xander in a safari jacket and bush hat bemoaned his forthcoming transfer from exotic Africa to cold, wet, Scotland. An alternate Xander warned him of the perils of bagpipes, haggis, and deep-fried Mars Bars. Four versions of Giles removed and cleaned their glasses.

A Wishverse Vampire Willow was making advances to a human Willow. A group of enigmatic_blue’s Wesleys were talking about their girlfriends. The respective merits of Drusilla, Nika, Fred, Faith, and Tuff were discussed and acknowledged. The Wesley from ‘Dojo Hard’ joined in the conversation and began to tell them about his Amazing Dancing Bare. Nearby a Wesley whose last romantic experience had been a one-night stand with Glory sighed enviously. A susurration of stammering sounded from a score of shy Taras. A dozen Dawns shrieked “Get out get out get out!”

Anyas who were devoted to Xander exchanged sex tips with Anyas who were equally devoted to Giles. Willi-san the Bloody Awful Ninja, alias Chopstick, recited his haiku to William the Bloody Awful Poet and listened to effulgent Victorian poetry in return. Spike from anaross’ ‘My Life Closed Twice’ made trenchant criticisms of both and was ignored. Ten Illyrias looked disdainfully at the lesser beings around them. Eleven High School Cordelias stared with equal scorn at the hairstyle of an Angel Season Four Cordelia. Eight versions of Oz raised silent but eloquent eyebrows.

In an alcove sat a group of Buffybots. theohara’s Rachel, from ‘Two Summers’, and speakr2customrs’ Violent Elizabeth Bott, from ‘I Was Made For Loving You Baby’, lamented their seemingly abandoned state and wondered if they would ever get out of the club again. keswindhover’s Botty related the story of her trip to Ankh-Morpork to visitorfic’s Buffybot and to three other assorted Bots of greater or lesser sentience.

The Spike from weyrwolfenfic’s ‘In League With Serpents’ entered the club wearing Meret the Feathered Serpent draped over his shoulders like a living scarf. He passed by the alcove of the Buffybots and they looked up.

“It’s Spike!” the Bots chorused. “And he’s wearing the coatl.”

Tags: fic
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