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Emma the Bloody Awful Singer - Words in the Heroes' Tongue
I have a variable-sword. I urge calm.
Emma the Bloody Awful Singer
Whine: I haven't been able to get at LiveJournal for the past six hours. I think my cluster must have been down; I know that the whole thing wasn't down, because I've been getting comment advices through on e-mail, but I couldn't get on at all. I went to Greatest Journal but there was no-one else there. It was even worse than a general site-wide breakdown because I was the only refugee.

Rant: Anyone who has read Tabula Avatar will have heard of 'Sunshine on a Rainy Day', by Zoë, as it is referenced many times in the story and Viconia's performance of the song at the Five Flagons Inn is a defining point in her relationship with Spike. I was aware that Emma Bunton had done a cover of the song, and I have Buffy mention the cover within the story, but I had never heard Baby Spice's version before.

Today, thanks to the miracle of YouTube, that happy state of innocence was shattered.

It is so staggeringly, unbelievably, diabolically dreadful that it is probably the soundtrack in Hell.

I had thought that Eva 'Miserable Dead Cow' Cassidy's loathsome dirge version of Sting's 'Fields of Gold' was bad. But this...

Hearing that feeble, squeaky, voice squawking through the lyrics that Zoë puts so much into was torture to my ears. It was like hearing Orville the Duck performing Rammstein's 'Amerika'.

Please, music industry of the world; never ever let Emma Bunton (or Victoria Beckham for that matter) anywhere near a microphone for the rest of their lives.

Current Music: Zoë, "Sunshine on a Rainy Day"

12 comments or speak 2 me
ayinhara From: ayinhara Date: December 23rd, 2006 01:45 am (UTC) (Link)
Thanks to the miracle of YouTube I listened to both Zoe and Emma Buntin sing "Sunshine on a Rainy Day". Good song. I haven't followed pop music for a long time, since my daughter went to college, which was 16 years ago, so I had never heard the song. YouTube certainly has its uses.
spikendru From: spikendru Date: December 23rd, 2006 04:04 am (UTC) (Link)
*is scared*

I thought Eva Cassisy's cover of "Fields of Gold", and well . . . just about anything she's covered was the worst experience in the world of chanteuses! Chanteusi? Does the woman not know any original songs? And you say Baby Spice's is worse?

*runs and hides*
bogwitch From: bogwitch Date: December 23rd, 2006 09:26 am (UTC) (Link)
You're not going to get any arguement from me. I think all of these modern girl/boy bands, Simon Cowell, Pete Waterman and that Irish bloke, and anyone else responisble for churning out all these dire cover versions should be taken out the back and shot for this commercual rape of good pop songs. Pop music used to be about getting your mates together and forming a band, not bloody auditioning for a singing dance troupe who never play live properly. Stock Aiken and Waterman killed the British pop music industry.

>>t was like hearing Orville the Duck performing Rammstein's 'Amerika'.

Please tell me that's on YouTube.
curiouswombat From: curiouswombat Date: December 23rd, 2006 09:47 am (UTC) (Link)
I really, really want to hear Orville singing 'Amerika' as well - someone must hold Keith Harris hostage until the duck produces!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: December 24th, 2006 07:17 am (UTC) (Link)
Orville the Duck performing Rammstein's 'Amerika'
Please tell me that's on YouTube.

No, I made that up as a purely fictional piece of dreadfulness. Mainly because Emma Bunton's voice reminded me of the pathetic green duck.
bogwitch From: bogwitch Date: December 24th, 2006 02:49 pm (UTC) (Link)
I ever seriously believed you! Doesn't mean I don't wish it were true. :D
ffutures From: ffutures Date: December 23rd, 2006 10:56 am (UTC) (Link)
Is it as bad as the Rolf Harris "Stairway to Heaven"?
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: December 24th, 2006 07:19 am (UTC) (Link)
At least Rolf's 'Stairway to Heaven' has a certain surreal inappropriateness and insane charm, naff as it might be. Emma Bunton's 'Sunshine on a Rainy Day' is just crap karaoke and has no redeeming features whatsoever.
sammywol From: sammywol Date: December 23rd, 2006 12:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
I shared you innocence and now share you outrage. Sheesh! Stick to the dancing Baby Spice.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: December 24th, 2006 07:21 am (UTC) (Link)
It's like karaoke by some random half-drunk secretary at a Xmas office party.
sammywol From: sammywol Date: December 24th, 2006 08:29 am (UTC) (Link)
chilling image! brrrrr.

I have so far avoided any live experience of karaoke. In Ireland people tend to take the assertion of 'no, I really cannot sing' as polite code for 'go on, persuade me some more' and given that I cannot carry a tune in a bucket staying away from the dratted machines is my only hope.
magic_wanderer From: magic_wanderer Date: December 24th, 2006 12:33 pm (UTC) (Link)
Han and my LJs were down for hours around the same time, too. You're also harsh but fair with regards to Eva Cassiday. I only owned her album because I used to fancy a fan of hers, a few years ago, and wanted to be able to talk knowledgably about her. I sold it for £2 on the work intranet last month.

I find Emma Bunton videos much more enjoyable if you turn off the sound. It's the same for Rachel Stevens; her Funky Dory video lifts the riff from Bowie's "Andy Warhol" in a somewhat sacreligeous way. "You're like pop art..." gah...
12 comments or speak 2 me