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Ficlet: The Mysterious Sarcophagus Affair - Words in the Heroes' Tongue
I have a variable-sword. I urge calm.
speakr2customrs
speakr2customrs
Ficlet: The Mysterious Sarcophagus Affair
Here is a little 500-word AtS/The Man from U.N.C.L.E. crossover for gillo. PG.


The Mysterious Sarcophagus Affair


The Men from U.N.C.L.E. looked curiously at the stone sarcophagus. “I wonder what T.H.R.U.S.H. wanted with this?” Illya Kuryakin wondered. He peered at the object and prodded it idly with his pistol.

“Unfortunately you shot the man who could have told us,” Napoleon Solo pointed out, gesturing towards the white-coated body that lay on the floor. He turned and looked at a notice on the wall above the mysterious sarcophagus. “It says ‘Store until 2004’,” he read out. “It must be a really long-term project.”

“Perhaps this gem has qualities suitable for a laser cannon?” Illya suggested. He tapped at the gem. Something within the sarcophagus shifted. A spray of vapor shot out and enveloped his head. He coughed and waved his hand in front of his face.

“Gas!” Napoleon snapped. “Get out of there, Illya.”

Illya backed away hurriedly. “I don’t smell anything,” he said, “apart from a slight mustiness. And I don’t feel any ill effects.”

“We’d better get you checked out by the medical team anyway,” Napoleon said. He pulled his pen from his breast pocket and extended its aerial. “This is Solo. Open Channel D.”

- - - - -


The commander of T.H.R.U.S.H. Central stared in amazement at the two U.N.C.L.E. agents who had penetrated the complex. One was familiar enough. The sharp suit, the sleekly brushed hair, the air of cool amusement and the leveled pistol. Napoleon Solo. The other was a figure so exotic that it was impossible to believe that he could work for the United Nations Command for Law Enforcement.

The agent wore a close-fitting suit that appeared to be made of maroon and blue leather. His hair was blue, his lips had a bluish sheen, and even his forehead was mottled with blue. His eyes glittered like blue crystals.

“Get them!” the commander ordered. Guards leaped to obey. Men with machine-pistols opened fire at the U.N.C.L.E. agents and Napoleon Solo dived for cover. His pistol poked out from behind a computer console and barked twice. A guard fell.

The other agent ignored the guns. Bullets ricocheted from his leather suit. His head swiveled in an eerily avian fashion and then he blurred into action. He closed with a guard and punched the T.H.R.U.S.H. man hard enough to send him crashing through a pane of bullet-proof glass. The leather-clad agent ripped a sub-machine gun from an attacker’s hands and snapped it in two. He punched, kicked, and grappled to the ground the remaining guards. Napoleon Solo stood up, brushed a speck of dirt from his lapel, and walked through the shattered glass screen into the control room.

“Your game is up,” he said. “T.H.R.U.S.H. has been crushed once and for all.”

The other man followed. He sneered at the computer banks. “T.H.R.U.S.H. I remember them when they were lower than the archaeopteryx,” he said, and punched a hole in a computer and ripped out its data tapes.

“Who are you?” the T.H.R.U.S.H. man gasped.

Napoleon Solo smiled. “U.N.C.L.E. agents Napoleon Solo,” he said, “and Illyria Kuryakin.”

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35 comments or speak 2 me
Comments
(Deleted comment)
gillo From: gillo Date: September 3rd, 2006 12:18 pm (UTC) (Link)
Don't say that or he'll do a Wallace and Gromit/U.N.C.L.E./Angel crossover. The man is inspired, I tell you!
(Deleted comment)
gillo From: gillo Date: September 3rd, 2006 12:17 pm (UTC) (Link)
You are a god! This is wonderful and I hug it to my heart! I particularly love the opening of Channel D and the title - genuine U.N.C.L.E. stuff. Of course, unlike Fred, Illya started out with ice-blue eyes anyway.

If Knox and the Senior Partners were all part of T.H.R.U.S.H. it might explain a lot...

Thank you!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 3rd, 2006 12:21 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
zanthinegirl From: zanthinegirl Date: September 3rd, 2006 12:57 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm sure this would be even funnier if I knew "The Man From UNCLE"; but it was still deeply cute!

I take it Illya was the blonde guy?
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 4th, 2006 09:49 am (UTC) (Link)
Yes, Illya Kuryakin was the blond guy (played by British actor David McCallum).
Illya Kuryakin - (Anonymous) - Expand
trepkos From: trepkos Date: September 3rd, 2006 01:00 pm (UTC) (Link)
Cute!
I'd like to see this Illyria Kuryakin.
Nice characterisation.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 4th, 2006 09:49 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
desdemonaspace From: desdemonaspace Date: September 3rd, 2006 01:37 pm (UTC) (Link)
I read this twice -- it really took me back. Perfect characterizations, short and neat, and a punny Speakr-esque parting line. Marvelous!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 4th, 2006 09:50 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
ffutures From: ffutures Date: September 3rd, 2006 02:16 pm (UTC) (Link)
Now that's a challenge.... I shall have to come up with a suitably awesome BtVS crossover as my revenge.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 4th, 2006 10:06 am (UTC) (Link)
Carry On Up The Hellmouth?
sammywol From: sammywol Date: September 3rd, 2006 03:43 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thankyou for giving my beloved Illya a quicker passing than poor Fred but COOL! Illyria Kuryakin!!! Mmmmm the leather!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 4th, 2006 10:06 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
(Deleted comment)
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 4th, 2006 10:06 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
woman_of_ From: woman_of_ Date: September 3rd, 2006 05:54 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh another one of my favourite fandoms....I loved it! Did we share the same tv? must've burnt out the tubes watching the same programmes
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 4th, 2006 10:22 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!

When you think about it, Napoleon and Illya were the Angel and Spike of their day.
pfeifferpack From: pfeifferpack Date: September 3rd, 2006 06:04 pm (UTC) (Link)
Completely perfect! Funny thing is that whenever I type Illyria I think of Illya and have to concentrate on my spelling! Clem would love you ...:::giggle:::.... So enjoy your mind and pleased you share.

Kathleen
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 4th, 2006 10:15 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
makd From: makd Date: September 3rd, 2006 07:26 pm (UTC) (Link)
hee! love this!!

(I don't think I missed an episode of The Man From U.N.C.L.E.)
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 4th, 2006 10:14 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you! Neither did I.

Although I thought the Girl From U.N.C.L.E. was unbelievably lame.
ozma914 From: ozma914 Date: September 3rd, 2006 08:51 pm (UTC) (Link)
Illyria Kuryakin! I can't believe I didn't see that coming! Especially since you so seamlessly connected the two worlds right from the beginning ... well done, again!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 4th, 2006 10:13 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
evilawyer From: evilawyer Date: September 4th, 2006 05:53 am (UTC) (Link)
Okay, yeah, names are close. But she doesn't have the same bad-bang haircut and curiously promiment forehead. (Why did everyone think David McCallum was so hot back then, anyway --- the Frankenstein forward was kind of scary!).
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 4th, 2006 10:12 am (UTC) (Link)
Illyria would have that haircut and forehead if Illya was the Shell.
miriya_2099 From: miriya_2099 Date: September 4th, 2006 06:19 am (UTC) (Link)
Loved it.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 4th, 2006 10:12 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
cbtreks From: cbtreks Date: September 4th, 2006 08:19 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm not all that familiar with The Man from U.N.C.L.E. - I never watched it - but still found this quite good.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 5th, 2006 11:25 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
35 comments or speak 2 me