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Ficlet: Heart and Troll of New York City - Words in the Heroes' Tongue
I have a variable-sword. I urge calm.
Ficlet: Heart and Troll of New York City

Happy birthday to sunnyd_lite, amybnnyc, and akadougal

Here is a story that could be interpreted as a birthday ficlet for Amy B - but it's pure coincidence, I wrote it first and saw that it was her birthday later. It's yet another insane story in reply to the 'Where did Olaf the Troll go?' challenge at 'Twisting the Hellmouth'. 700 words exactly, rating R for naughty words. Crossover with a certain 1994 Luc Besson film.

Heart and Troll of New York City

Even for New York this was an unusual sight. As tall as a basketball player, but far broader, the immense green-skinned man sent pedestrians flying as he barged his way through the crowds. “Ho, flee my wrath, puny New Yorkers,” he bellowed. “I despise you, with your bagels, your Yankees, your Ghostbusters, your yellow vehicles that honk like the geese of the Frisians, and your kvetching.” He turned into an alley and was promptly accosted by two young men.

“Hey, sucka, give me yo’ money,” one said, thrusting a gun towards the troll.

Olaf’s hand shot out with eye-baffling speed and removed the gun from the mugger’s hand. The trigger finger came with it. The other mugger lunged with a knife. Olaf smashed a fist down on the youth’s head and sent him flopping limply to the ground.

“No, miserable excuses for warriors,” Olaf chortled. “You shall give me your gold, and your paltry weapons, and perhaps I shall not paint the blood eagle on your backs.”

Olaf moved on. He approached a tall building where several vehicles in white with blue stripes, their sides decorated with the runes ‘NYPD’, were coming to a halt on the roadway in front. He paid them no mind and paused to drive his hand through a glass window to snatch up a handful of cooked meats that had caught his eye. He crammed them into his mouth, smacking his lips appreciatively, and ignored the protests of the shopkeeper who ran out onto the sidewalk.

“Hey, that guy’s just robbed my store!” the deli owner yelled. “Right in front of a whole bunch of New York’s finest! What do I pay my taxes for? Arrest him!”

A blue-clad man looked at the troll and then turned to a fair-haired man who stood beside a car. “I guess we’d better arrest him, Mr. Stansfield,” the man in blue said. “All that yelling might tip the cleaner off that we’re around.”

“I don’t need this crap,” said Stansfield. His eyes flicked from side to side and held a manic gleam. “Okay, arrest the big ape. Léon will keep for a few minutes.”

Two minutes later Stansfield fumbled with his radio. It was difficult to operate it because he wasn’t used to doing so whilst hanging upside-down from a street light. His position gave him an excellent view of the carnage below. Olaf was roaring with laughter as he played with an inverted squad car, spinning it around on its roof. “Get everyone!” Stansfield yelled into the radio. It crackled in reply. “I don’t care!” Stansfield shouted. “Absolutely fucking everyone!”

Fifteen minutes later a black-clad SWAT team member had joined Stansfield atop the lamp-post. Wrecked squad cars littered the area, a black SWAT van was impaled on a fire hydrant with water gushing from its windows, and a sergeant was weeping at the foot of the lamp-post as he tried to remove his night-stick from his ass.

Olaf was holding up the Chief of Police by his collar and shaking him. “I have defeated your finest warriors, New Yorker,” the troll roared. “The city belongs to me. Now bring me Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda, for I wouldst make merry sport with them.”

“Yes, sir,” the Chief of Police whimpered, and Olaf released him. The man fled and Olaf looked around for further amusement.

Crowds had gathered at a safe distance. Amongst them Olaf spied women with baby carriages. “Babies!” he cried. “I shall feast on juicy plump babies.” He strode towards the appetizing morsels.

Suddenly a man barred his way. A slim man, obviously not young for his close cropped beard was graying, clad in a white collarless shirt and a long black coat like that of the man who had prattled of onions in the town where the Slayer lived. Round dark glasses obscured the man’s eyes. A girl stood behind him, a skinny thing too young for merry sport, wearing a red woolen hat and holding a plant in a pot.

The man met Olaf’s stare without flinching. “No women, no kids,” he said in a cold voice.

An unfamiliar emotion stirred in Olaf for the first time in over eleven hundred years.


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35 comments or speak 2 me
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appomattoxco From: appomattoxco Date: July 26th, 2006 02:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
What is it crossed over with? I may have to find the show it looks interesting.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 26th, 2006 02:10 pm (UTC) (Link)
It's a movie not a TV show. 'Léon', more widely known in the USA as 'The Professional', directed by Luc Besson and starring Jean Reno, Natalie Portman, and Gary Oldfield as the villain Stansfield. My favourite film of all time. Every single reviewer on IMdB rates it 10 out of 10.
adriana_is From: adriana_is Date: July 26th, 2006 02:38 pm (UTC) (Link)
Olaf meets Leon.

I've loved Jean Reno since I saw The Professional. That is my all time favorite movie! Leon could definitely take Olaf on and not even break a sweat.

Well done, sir! Lovely icon too.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 26th, 2006 02:47 pm (UTC) (Link)
My all-time favourite movie too. Thank you!
makd From: makd Date: July 26th, 2006 03:29 pm (UTC) (Link)
OMG! he lives! He lives!! (I LOVE The Professional!!!)

thank you!!

great Troll read, and bonus: The Professional!!! Yay!!!

(ahem. sorry...got really excited there.... my bad.)
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 26th, 2006 04:23 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you! It was a wonderful movie, wasn't it?
hesadevil From: hesadevil Date: July 26th, 2006 03:54 pm (UTC) (Link)
For one horrible moment I thought you'd given Spike the Shanshu curse.

Still enjoying Olaf's adventures, even if I haven't a clue about the crossovers. Are you adding 100 words each time you write one of these?
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 26th, 2006 04:21 pm (UTC) (Link)
But I have given Spike the Shanshu curse! Although it is in Life, Resumed rather than in the 'Where did Olaf go' stories.

Yes, I am adding 100 words each time I write one now. I started with 100, went up to 250, then doubled it to 500, and then started adding 100. The next one should have 800, but I'm not absolutely committed to the plan, and if it works better with a different number I'll break the sequence.
ffutures From: ffutures Date: July 26th, 2006 05:30 pm (UTC) (Link)
Neat - I really ought to get round to watching the film.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 26th, 2006 07:22 pm (UTC) (Link)
It really is extremely good.
swedish15 From: swedish15 Date: July 26th, 2006 05:52 pm (UTC) (Link)
Cool! Cool! *jumps with joy* Cool!
Recced at Pygs, as of tzhis momemnt. Cool thingie. Leon. A good Leon/Buffy Xover. That's rare. Thank you.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 27th, 2006 01:11 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!

I'm wondering how you found it. jgracio's Friends page?
sunnyd_lite From: sunnyd_lite Date: July 26th, 2006 10:32 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks bunches for the birthday wishes, and you gave me a troll (story)! Nifty!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 27th, 2006 01:12 am (UTC) (Link)
Hope you've had a good birthday. Glad you liked the story!
audela From: audela Date: July 27th, 2006 02:47 am (UTC) (Link)
Really enjoying Olaf! I love the image of Stansfield hanging from a lamp standard.

Went to see "The Professional" while I was dating a guy who said that the movie was "Weird", and didn't I think it was too violent? I remember just looking at him and thinking "Oh, well, this relationship is clearly going nowhere."

speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 27th, 2006 12:05 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you! Actually later it occurred to me that 'lamp standard' is probably too much of a Britishm and I've changed it to 'street light'.

Any guy who thinks that 'The Professional' is too violent has a serious testosterone deficiency; and anyone who doesn't cry during that scene between Mathilda and Tony at the end has a serious sensitivity deficit or a heart of stone.
yangchencen From: yangchencen Date: July 27th, 2006 08:31 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm hoping somebody will make a long fic with this one.

*squeeing secretly*
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 27th, 2006 12:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
It won't be me, I'm afraid.
jgracio From: jgracio Date: July 27th, 2006 08:30 pm (UTC) (Link)
The world needs more of this fic. :)
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 27th, 2006 08:36 pm (UTC) (Link)
The world isn't going to get it, I'm afraid. At least not from me.
amybnnyc From: amybnnyc Date: July 28th, 2006 03:31 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you so much for the birthday wishes! It was a lovely day!

And the story was just wonderful--I actually watched The Professional for the first time the other day, and really quite enjoyed it. Although I have to tell you that the carnage Olaf caused would wreak serious havoc on my commuting--which would put it on par with any other Monday in NYC. Well done! :)
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 28th, 2006 06:31 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hope you had a good birthday; glad you liked the story!
spikes_heart From: spikes_heart Date: July 28th, 2006 11:49 am (UTC) (Link)
**snorfles** As a puny New Yorker, this is my favorite bit:

“I despise you, with your bagels, your Yankees, your Ghostbusters, your yellow vehicles that honk like the geese of the Frisians, and your kvetching.”

And I just so happened to have a bagel and creamcheese for brekkie(hugs my sweet Yankees in their tight pinstriped pants). **patently not kvetching**
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 28th, 2006 06:30 pm (UTC) (Link)
Glad you liked it; hope it cheered you up a little.
lilred26x From: lilred26x Date: July 28th, 2006 02:01 pm (UTC) (Link)
Well, I've never seen the movie, but I'm now going to add it to the list that needs to be watched. Look at the power of fanfic! Thanks so much for sharing this!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 28th, 2006 06:31 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks! Glad you liked it.
ozma914 From: ozma914 Date: July 30th, 2006 04:48 am (UTC) (Link)
Adriana_is guided me here, and I'm glad -- you're now officially my crossover hero. This was hilarious!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 30th, 2006 07:38 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
cbtreks From: cbtreks Date: August 3rd, 2006 09:27 pm (UTC) (Link)
I suspect Olaf's kindergarten report read, "Does not play well with others." (Except, perhaps, in merry sportage!)
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: August 4th, 2006 01:17 am (UTC) (Link)
Ah, but he was a human when he was in kindergarten. And among Vikings; they would have played happily together pretending to pillage lands and dwellings and burn crops. Although the merry sport aspects may have been a little over the heads of kindergarteners.
35 comments or speak 2 me
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