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Ficlet: The South Troll - Words in the Heroes' Tongue
I have a variable-sword. I urge calm.
speakr2customrs
speakr2customrs
Ficlet: The South Troll
Here is another insane story answering the ‘Where did Olaf the Troll go?’ challenge at ‘Twisting the Hellmouth’. Exactly 600 words.

The South Troll



Captain Oates limped towards the door of the tent. “I am just going outside. I may be some time.” He pulled aside the canvas screen and stepped out into the bitter Antarctic cold.

Captain Scott and his remaining men watched him go with sad eyes. They knew that he was sacrificing himself in the hope that without him they would have enough food reserves to make it to the next supply depot. A noble gesture, but probably doomed to failure, as everyone in the expedition was so weak with cold and hunger that their chances of survival were slim indeed.

From outside they heard a cry of surprise. Oates stumbled back in through the tent flap. “I am seeing things,” he muttered. “Impossible.”

Before Scott could ask him to elaborate the flap opened again and an incredible figure entered the tent. A colossal man, almost seven feet tall, clad in furs and huge boots. Or was it a man? His skin was green, his hair was long and bright orange, and two horns rose from the top of his head.

“Hail, cold ones,” the stranger boomed. “By Odin, I thought I was the only one in this cruel land of ice.”

Captain Scott’s frost-rimmed eyebrows shot up at this amazing sight. “Odin?” he queried. “Aren’t you in the wrong hemisphere?”

“I was banished to this place by a witch,” the creature explained. “She said she would send me to the Land of the Trolls, but I think she that must have sent me to the Land of the Poles instead. Curse her for a fool, miserable wretch that she is! It could at least have been the kind of Poles that have names that cannot be spoken and that eat lots of sausage. It would have been warm there, and there are pretty Baltic women with hips that curve most pleasingly, and the sausage is delicious. There is little to eat in this land except seals and strange birds that cannot fly.”

“Penguins,” Captain Scott informed their visitor. “Who are you?”

“I am Olaf, lord of the trolls,” the mighty creature boomed. “What is your name, puny human?”

“Captain Robert Falcon Scott, Royal Navy,” the explorer told him. “Commander of the second expedition ever to reach the South Pole. Amundsen beat us there by only days. Our mission to claim the glory for England has been a failure.”

“Hah! Bad luck,” Olaf commiserated. “So, you go home now? I will travel with you. I tire of this place.”

“I am sorry,” Scott said, “but I fear that we shall perish here. We are almost out of food and are too weak to walk. We have a store of supplies only twelve miles away, but I don’t think that we can make it.”

“Fear not, Falconscott,” Olaf said. “I have food.” He took a sack from his back and tipped it out onto the floor of the tent. Cans and packages spilled out in a heap. “Yours, I think, for I found them cached in the snow some hours ago. I shall carry those of you that cannot walk, for I am a mighty hero indeed, and strong beyond the measure of humans.”

The explorers seized upon the food eagerly. “Thank you,” Scott gasped. “You may well be our saviour, Olaf. How can we repay you?”

“Introduce me to many fair maidens when we get back to your land,” Olaf said. “I crave the company of women.” He leaned towards Scott. “There were times,” he confessed, “when I was so desperate that I made merry sport with the more attractive penguins.”

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48 comments or speak 2 me
Comments
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quinara From: quinara Date: July 25th, 2006 06:41 pm (UTC) (Link)
The poor penguins!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 25th, 2006 06:43 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm the first and only Olaf/Pingu shipper!
petzipellepingo From: petzipellepingo Date: July 25th, 2006 06:51 pm (UTC) (Link)
Those penguins better hide their fluffy little babies and their beadwork if they know what's good for them.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 26th, 2006 03:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
Heh!
spikendru From: spikendru Date: July 25th, 2006 06:55 pm (UTC) (Link)
BWAHAHA! The Land of the Poles, instead of the Land of the Trolls! And not even the Poles with the good food! Poor Olaf. I enjoyed this very much (and love your Pooh quotes on the side!)
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 26th, 2006 03:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
paratti From: paratti Date: July 25th, 2006 06:57 pm (UTC) (Link)
Fabulous:)
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 26th, 2006 03:08 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
ffutures From: ffutures Date: July 25th, 2006 07:10 pm (UTC) (Link)
"Pass me another penguin, this one's split..."

ROFLMAO!
ffutures From: ffutures Date: July 25th, 2006 07:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
Belated thought - this had better not be in the Anita Blake 'verse given her penguin fetish.
deborahw37 From: deborahw37 Date: July 25th, 2006 07:20 pm (UTC) (Link)
I hope the more attractive penguins consented!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 26th, 2006 03:10 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'll leave that up to the reader to decide.
confusedkayt From: confusedkayt Date: July 25th, 2006 07:26 pm (UTC) (Link)
*snicker* I have to wonder where in the world this idea came from. Probably the same place that gives you a perfect Olaf voice.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 26th, 2006 03:10 pm (UTC) (Link)
I have no idea where it came from. Sometimes I even surprise myself.
bogwitch From: bogwitch Date: July 25th, 2006 07:41 pm (UTC) (Link)
ooh I really like that one!

'I was so desperate that I made merry sport with the more attractive penguins'!!!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 26th, 2006 03:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
hesadevil From: hesadevil Date: July 25th, 2006 07:52 pm (UTC) (Link)
::Peers at Speakr::

Are you sure you hail from the land across the sea, where the men boast of three legs and cats go tail-less for fear of deportation as aliens?

Wonderful Olaf voice. Many thanks.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 26th, 2006 03:12 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
thedeadlyhook From: thedeadlyhook Date: July 25th, 2006 11:37 pm (UTC) (Link)
Bwah! Good ol' Olaf. Always with the making of merry sport. Hee. Awesome ficlet.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 26th, 2006 03:12 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
moss6886 From: moss6886 Date: July 26th, 2006 12:16 am (UTC) (Link)
Penguins! Bwaah! Brightened my day no end. Thanks!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 26th, 2006 03:12 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
adriana_is From: adriana_is Date: July 26th, 2006 01:24 am (UTC) (Link)
oh those poor penguins! ((shudder))

speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 26th, 2006 03:13 pm (UTC) (Link)
It could have been worse. No, on second thoughts it probably couldn't have been worse.
makd From: makd Date: July 26th, 2006 02:00 am (UTC) (Link)
Bwahahahahaha! Great stuff! thanks, S2C!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 26th, 2006 03:13 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
clancy_s From: clancy_s Date: July 26th, 2006 02:17 am (UTC) (Link)
Heee!

*wincing on behalf of the penguins*
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 26th, 2006 03:13 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
evilawyer From: evilawyer Date: July 26th, 2006 04:34 am (UTC) (Link)
Well, if he passed up the seals in favor of the penguins, it just proves that he likes his women on the dainty side. Dainty, but with curvy hips. And Olaf as helpful in a crisis --- nice!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 26th, 2006 03:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
The seals are only on the coast - it's only penguins that venture that far inland. His previous discovery of Scott's food cache shows that Olaf was heading in the wrong direction, going deeper inland instead of to the coast.
48 comments or speak 2 me
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