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Ficlet: Just Not Cricket - Words in the Heroes' Tongue
I have a variable-sword. I urge calm.
speakr2customrs
speakr2customrs
Ficlet: Just Not Cricket
One more night to go before my shift ends and then I have fifteen days off! There are important Real Life issues to deal with, and I’ll have to give them priority, but I will spend as much time writing fic as possible. I really must get on with ‘Love Potion #9’ for seven_seasons as it’s supposed to be finished by the end of July. There should be updates to ‘Tabula Avatar’ and to ‘Life, Resumed’ too before I start on the watchersdiaries ficathon story ‘Days of No Trust’ for posting on August 21st. And ‘Dojo Hard’ is crying out for an update, not to mention ‘Sunnydale Passions’ and the two drabble series.

And yet with all those WIPs plot bunnies keep on biting me. The latest one was inspired by one of my rants about poor research by the ME staff and their habit of putting Americanisms into the mouths of English characters. Luckily it was satisfied with a very short ficlet. If things had gone very differently for William in ‘Fool For Love’, how would that have affected ‘School Hard’? Character death – but it’s extremely AU. Perhaps a touch of ‘Flashman’ about this one. PG-13. Exactly 500 words.


Just Not Cricket


Cedric adopted a supercilious smirk as he watched William Pratt beating a humiliated retreat. “Have you heard? They call him William the Bloody because of his bloody awful poetry!”

The circle of friends and sycophants sniggered.

“It suits him,” George chimed in. “I’d rather have a railroad spike through my head than listen to that awful stuff.” He leaned back in his chair and grinned in anticipation of the applause that he would surely receive for his witticism.

It didn’t come.

“A what?” Cedric asked. A deep furrow appeared between his eyebrows.

“I am at a loss,” said a pale and interesting debutante. “I have no idea what you are referring to.”

“It must be something that they do in America,” Henry said. “George will keep dredging up these barbaric expressions from his time there.”

“A railroad spike,” George repeated. “They are used to fasten down the sleepers.”

“Perhaps in America, old chap,” said Sir John Hawkshaw, the celebrated Chief Engineer of the Great Western Railway, “but we have rather more efficient methods of constructing the permanent way in this country. And do try to remember that it is the railway.”

The titters that spread around the circle were directed at George rather than at William. George hummed and hawed and sat down hastily in his seat.

William Pratt turned around and smiled. His eyes lit up and he uttered a quote from the punch-lines of many a ‘Punch’ cartoon. “Collapse of stout party.”

The audience roared. George went bright red, for indeed he had the beginnings of a paunch under his waistcoat.

“A hit, a palpable hit,” said Cecily. “You may read me your poem, William.”

George rose, crimson with embarrassment and fury, and made a hasty exit from the house. Laughter sounded behind him as he walked off into the night. He collided with a tall man accompanied by two attractive women, took little notice of them, and walked on until he came to a stable. There he sat down and took a drink from a silver hip-flask.

“And I wonder,” came a voice from the stable doors, “what possible catastrophe came crashing down from heaven and drove this dashing stranger to drink?”

- - - - -


Buffy saw the tweed-suited vampire advancing along the school corridor wielding a cricket bat and almost laughed. He didn’t strike her as a formidable opponent and his weapon seemed awkward. However she remembered Giles’ warning that George the Terrible had fought two Slayers and had killed them both. She raised her eyebrows at the vampire. “Do we really need weapons for this?”

“Perhaps not the bat,” George said, and tossed it aside. Buffy smiled, but her expression turned to horror when George’s hand went inside his jacket and emerged holding a rather more effective weapon.

Later Giles wept over the body of his dead Slayer. “I blame myself,” he said to Angel. “I told her that he had killed two Slayers, but I didn’t think to warn her that the utter cad had shot them.”

On to the sequel, Kiss Me, Deadly.


Tags:
Current Location: Isle of Man
Current Mood: hot hot

75 comments or speak 2 me
Comments
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elenorlaura From: elenorlaura Date: July 19th, 2006 10:38 am (UTC) (Link)
Hilarious! If I had more than one cup of coffee in me I'd heap coherently effusive comments on you.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 19th, 2006 11:29 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
alwaysjbj From: alwaysjbj Date: July 19th, 2006 10:53 am (UTC) (Link)
*giggles* Very good!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 19th, 2006 11:29 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
hesadevil From: hesadevil Date: July 19th, 2006 10:54 am (UTC) (Link)
Wonderful - I wonder what Drusilla saw in him?

George the Cad. Doesn't quite strike the same note of terror as William the Bloody.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 19th, 2006 11:29 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!

It does when he's holding a .357 magnum.
petzipellepingo From: petzipellepingo Date: July 19th, 2006 10:57 am (UTC) (Link)
“I blame myself,” he said to Angel. “I told her that he had killed two Slayers, but I didn’t think to warn her that the utter cad had shot them.”

But that's not cricket! Sorry, couldn't help myself "sneaks off"
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 19th, 2006 11:28 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
desdemonaspace From: desdemonaspace Date: July 19th, 2006 10:59 am (UTC) (Link)
Bwah! Good one, Speakr. Congratulations on the plot bunnies, and the upcoming days off.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 19th, 2006 11:28 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
(Deleted comment)
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 19th, 2006 11:27 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
ffutures From: ffutures Date: July 19th, 2006 11:23 am (UTC) (Link)
Nice. Of coure there was the whole Darla with handguns thing in season 1, but I won't pick holes...
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 19th, 2006 11:27 am (UTC) (Link)
Thanks!

Darla wasn't proficient with handguns. George the Bloody has been using them for 120 years and is rather good.
basilio_the_cat From: basilio_the_cat Date: July 19th, 2006 11:28 am (UTC) (Link)
Sorry. Didn't get this one.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 19th, 2006 11:33 am (UTC) (Link)
That's okay, I can't win them all.
bogwitch From: bogwitch Date: July 19th, 2006 12:00 pm (UTC) (Link)
Lol! Thank goodness it was William that died.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 21st, 2006 05:43 am (UTC) (Link)
In 1931, after a long and happy life.

Thank you!
From: ottawa_fan Date: July 19th, 2006 01:02 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hee. There is a lot of potential backstory there - the adventures of George the Cad and Drusilla across Europe for 120 years...
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 21st, 2006 05:44 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm not going to write it - but I'm two thirds of the way through the sequel!
yangchencen From: yangchencen Date: July 19th, 2006 01:07 pm (UTC) (Link)
*snerk*

Dru must be drunk out of her mind, or what left of it...
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 21st, 2006 09:55 pm (UTC) (Link)
I think Dru operates at a fixed level of craziness regardless of what's going on around her...
aamah From: aamah Date: July 19th, 2006 01:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
Bravo, old man!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 21st, 2006 09:56 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
confusedkayt From: confusedkayt Date: July 19th, 2006 01:46 pm (UTC) (Link)
*snicker* Count the ways in which I was not expecting this. A wonderful chuckle early in the day.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 21st, 2006 09:56 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
lilachigh From: lilachigh Date: July 19th, 2006 01:48 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh do Angel and George, please, pretty please. All that Irish gloom and George dancing around like the portly gent in Three Men in a Boat, shouting ‘Well played, Sir,’ everytime Angel bites someone!
digopheliadug From: digopheliadug Date: July 19th, 2006 03:28 pm (UTC) (Link)
Ha! Mental image = so funny!
shapinglight From: shapinglight Date: July 19th, 2006 01:59 pm (UTC) (Link)
Followed petzipellepingo's link and laughed like a drain.

Hilarious.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 21st, 2006 09:57 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
75 comments or speak 2 me
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