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Trading Authors - Words in the Heroes' Tongue
I have a variable-sword. I urge calm.
Trading Authors
Inspired by trinfaneb's recent post of "Lord of the Rings for the Internet Forum Generation", I present something I wrote for alt.books.tom-clancy a long time ago in reply to someone else doing "Lord of the Rings as written by Tom Clancy".

Tom Clancy's "Debt of Honor" as it would have been written by J R R Tolkien. Or at least a short passage, I couldn't be bothered to write several hundred thousand words for the sake of a joke.

"Debt of Honor" by J R R Tolkien; excerpt.

"John Kelly!" Portagee cried, his axe falling from his hand. "But you are dead!"

The old man sprang to his feet and leaped to the top of a large rock. His hood and his grey rags were flung away, and his business suit shone. He raised his hand, and a dazzling light shone forth from his torch.

Ding gave a great shout, and shot a bullet high in the air. "Mr. C!" he cried. "Mr. C!"

"Well met, I say to you again, Portagee", the old man said. They all gazed at him.

At last Portagee stirred. "John Kelly!" he said. "Beyond all hope you return to us in our need."

"Kelly," the man repeated, as if recalling from memory a long disused word. "Yes, that was the name. I was Kelly. Yet I have many names. Kelly I was long ago. In the West I am Clark. In the East I am Klerk, as I am in the further East, and as I shall be in the Middle East in a time that is yet to come. Clark am I in the North; to the furthest South I go not."

Then Ding turned to Portagee. "Were you not on that fair ship on which our flying machine landed long ago? Are you of the Company of the Wise? Yet you seem to have grown since that time. You are half a head taller than you were then."

"Mortals can not drink of that brew known as 'Black Gang coffee' without consequence," said Clark, his eyes twinkling beneath his heavy brows. "Is that not so, Chief?"

Portagee bent and retrieved his axe. "That's Master Chief, turkey."

Current Mood: awake awake
Current Music: "Power Rangers: Ninja Storm" on the TV. Don't ask.

6 comments or speak 2 me
booster17 From: booster17 Date: September 19th, 2004 02:31 am (UTC) (Link)

Much funness.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 19th, 2004 08:00 am (UTC) (Link)
Thanks! You ain't seen nothin' yet.
agilebrit From: agilebrit Date: September 19th, 2004 06:52 pm (UTC) (Link)
Bwahahahaha! *Love* this. Combining the styles of two of my favorite authors=genius.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 19th, 2004 07:20 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks. I was thinking maybe it might flop here a bit because, hey, Buffy fans maybe not big with the Tom Clancy reading.

However, as it has been well received, I'll post "Agatha Christie's 'Executive Orders'" in a few minutes.
trinfaneb From: trinfaneb Date: September 21st, 2004 08:27 am (UTC) (Link)
Very cool! Have you ever read JoeB's "Rainbow over Sunnydale?" http://www.tthfanfic.com/story.php?no=82 He also creates an interesting backstory for Kelly/Clark.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 27th, 2004 08:49 pm (UTC) (Link)
I've read it now, and read as far as he's got with the sequel. I like it a lot but he's now starting to bring in too many crossovers and losing sight of the original concept.
6 comments or speak 2 me