Speaker-to-Customers (speakr2customrs) wrote,

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Inspired by trinfaneb's recent post of "Lord of the Rings for the Internet Forum Generation", I present something I wrote for alt.books.tom-clancy a long time ago in reply to someone else doing "Lord of the Rings as written by Tom Clancy".

Tom Clancy's "Debt of Honor" as it would have been written by J R R Tolkien. Or at least a short passage, I couldn't be bothered to write several hundred thousand words for the sake of a joke.

"Debt of Honor" by J R R Tolkien; excerpt.

"John Kelly!" Portagee cried, his axe falling from his hand. "But you are dead!"

The old man sprang to his feet and leaped to the top of a large rock. His hood and his grey rags were flung away, and his business suit shone. He raised his hand, and a dazzling light shone forth from his torch.

Ding gave a great shout, and shot a bullet high in the air. "Mr. C!" he cried. "Mr. C!"

"Well met, I say to you again, Portagee", the old man said. They all gazed at him.

At last Portagee stirred. "John Kelly!" he said. "Beyond all hope you return to us in our need."

"Kelly," the man repeated, as if recalling from memory a long disused word. "Yes, that was the name. I was Kelly. Yet I have many names. Kelly I was long ago. In the West I am Clark. In the East I am Klerk, as I am in the further East, and as I shall be in the Middle East in a time that is yet to come. Clark am I in the North; to the furthest South I go not."

Then Ding turned to Portagee. "Were you not on that fair ship on which our flying machine landed long ago? Are you of the Company of the Wise? Yet you seem to have grown since that time. You are half a head taller than you were then."

"Mortals can not drink of that brew known as 'Black Gang coffee' without consequence," said Clark, his eyes twinkling beneath his heavy brows. "Is that not so, Chief?"

Portagee bent and retrieved his axe. "That's Master Chief, turkey."

Tags: fic
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