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Bereavement - Words in the Heroes' Tongue
I have a variable-sword. I urge calm.
My aunt Evelyn died last night at midnight. She was 82 and had been rushed into hospital a couple of days earlier. I have been expecting to hear of her death ever since.

I had not seen her for quite a few years. There was a family kerfuffle between her and my mother and I ended up becoming estranged from Evelyn as a result. Ironically my mother and Evelyn had made up since but the reconciliation didn't include me even though I hadn't even been part of the original dispute. So she's frozen in my mind as I last saw her, healthy apart from a limp and deafness in one ear, and the realisation that she was eighty-two was a shock to me in itself.

I loved my aunt. I spent a lot of time with her when I was a child. My love of cats originated with her cats (my mother didn't want pets, although she has them now). It was Evelyn who introduced me to the works of Paul Gallico ('Jennie', and 'Thomasina', and 'The Man Who Was Magic'). Also to James Thurber ("The 13 Clocks" and "The Wonderful O"), and later to the Don Camillo books, and a lot more. Now she's gone and I'll never see her again and I don't know how she felt about us having lost touch. And I left it much too late to do anything about it.

I've rather retreated into myself the past couple of days. I'm carrying on writing as a refuge, and I've been reading LJ entries and fics, but I pretty much haven't felt up to leaving comments or to answering comments left on my own LJ.

I'm not thinking clearly about this at all. I just want her to not be dead.

Current Location: Isle of Man
Current Mood: grief-stricken
Current Music: Mike & the Mechanics; "The Living Years"

54 comments or speak 2 me
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going_not_gone From: going_not_gone Date: April 22nd, 2006 06:09 pm (UTC) (Link)
I am so sorry, both for your loss and for the estrangement that preceded it.

paratti From: paratti Date: April 22nd, 2006 06:13 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm sorry for your loss.
kathyh From: kathyh Date: April 22nd, 2006 06:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
So sorry for your loss. This is an incredibly difficult time anyway but to have the problem of estrangement on top of grief must make it doubly hard.
sarahlynnl From: sarahlynnl Date: April 22nd, 2006 06:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
aphelant From: aphelant Date: April 22nd, 2006 06:20 pm (UTC) (Link)

I don't have an appropriate icon for this...

Oh, honey. I'm so sorry for your loss and your grief. I've found that it helps to not dwell on the things we can't change - focus on the happy times you had together and the love you shared. I know it will be hard, but you will move past this some day.

All my love,
kallysten From: kallysten Date: April 22nd, 2006 06:20 pm (UTC) (Link)
Sorry for your loss, dear.
agilebrit From: agilebrit Date: April 22nd, 2006 06:23 pm (UTC) (Link)
:( ::hugs::
ljs From: ljs Date: April 22nd, 2006 06:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm so sorry for your loss.
From: josephine_64 Date: April 22nd, 2006 06:28 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm sorry about your sad news. Take care.
opalescence From: opalescence Date: April 22nd, 2006 06:33 pm (UTC) (Link)
I am so very sorry for your loss. I have only one real aunt and I adore her. May you find comfort and peace.
cordykitten From: cordykitten Date: April 22nd, 2006 06:41 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm sorry to hear that even more because it's so said to read that you couldn't talk to your aunt (meet her again).
Take care!
petzipellepingo From: petzipellepingo Date: April 22nd, 2006 06:45 pm (UTC) (Link)
Sorry to hear about your Aunt and even more sorry to hear that the two of you didn't have time to sort out things. So many families are prone to decades long fights about which, I suspect, most people can't even remember what it was about in the first place. My surviving Aunt and her family are notorious for feuding about god knows what, thankfully my branch never had that problem.
I'll be thinking of you and Wombat.
evilawyer From: evilawyer Date: April 22nd, 2006 06:47 pm (UTC) (Link)
I am so sorry about your loss. It's easy to say things like "She's in a better place". I'm sure it's true. But it isn't the dead who suffer and feel the loss of pain. It's the living who are left behind, and it's the living who are left with the sense of incompleteness. And for that, there really aren't any words adequate enough to convey empathy, even if it's there. I do empathize, though, and I sympathize. There may be some small solace in knowing that "this, too, shall pass."
limerickgirl From: limerickgirl Date: April 22nd, 2006 06:54 pm (UTC) (Link)
Sending you a hug and warm thoughts. I know there's nothing much one can say when we grieve and our hearts ache like this, but I've found the one thing that brings ease is time. Make sure you take plenty of time, friend.
spikes_heart From: spikes_heart Date: April 22nd, 2006 06:56 pm (UTC) (Link)
**huggles you tightly** So sorry for your loss, sweetie.
54 comments or speak 2 me
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