Speaker-to-Customers (speakr2customrs) wrote,

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Buffy in Sunderland.

I've just heard that this is talesofspike's birthday. Well, not actual birthday, but her official birthday, when she's having the party and everything. Now that I've finished Lonely on the Mountain I was able to devote a few moments to whipping up a birthday fic for her (sorry Boggy, if you'd been born just a few days later you'd have got one too) and I'll post it now rather than on the actual birthday because alwaysjbj has posted hers.

Very regional, I'm afraid; possibly only talesofspike, calove, and curiouswombat will understand it.

It's not exactly a drabble; 333 words. One third of a thousand, or half of the Number of the Beast. Rating G. Title in honour of Rabbit Hole Day, which slipped past almost unnoticed on LiveJournal this year.

Buffy In Sunderland

“Well, I got it,” Buffy announced, entering the London headquarters of the New Council carrying the severed head of a huge dragon-like creature. “The Lambton Worm.”

“Cool!” Andrew squealed.

“That’s great, Buffy,” Willow enthused.

“This better be worth it,” Buffy said. “I had a tough time.”

“Ferocious opponent, huh?” Willow commiserated.

Buffy shuddered. “Not so much. It was what came after. I got chased out of Sunderland by thirty thousand guys, dressed like it’s summer even though it’s freezing, all shouting ‘Ah’m hard, me!’ and throwing beer cans at me.”

“I don’t need the whole thing,” Willow told her. “Just a couple of parts.”

“You should have said so in the first place,” Buffy moaned. “’Cause hey, running carrying that thing was so not easy, ‘specially over the Millennium Bridge. That curve is totally steep.”

“You’re supposed to cross on the flat bit, Buffy,” Dawn pointed out.

“Flat bit?” Buffy frowned. “What flat …? Oh. Duh! Anyway, those soccer fan guys would have caught me there, only forty thousand other guys in black and white turned up and started fighting them.”

“The Toon Army,” Andrew declaimed wisely. “Ancient foes of the followers of the Worm. You have slain the totem of the Mackem tribe. The Toon Army will revere you now, Buffy, Slayer of the Vampyre and the Worm.”

“Oh? Cool. Some of them were kinda cute.” Buffy saw Dawn’s raised eyebrow and blushed. “Uh, that is, if you like your guys all tattooed, which I so do not. Anyway, I got away in the confusion and made it to the train. So, what do you need it for, Will?”

“I can use parts to make a kinda magical search engine,” Willow explained, “that will let me find out information about any kind of demon, give me access to instructions for all kinds of spells, tell me the weak spots of enemies, whatever.” She took a dagger and sliced away two organs from the skull. “I just need these. The Greet Big Googly Eyes.”

Tags: drabbles, fic
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