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Dojo Hard? - Words in the Heroes' Tongue
I have a variable-sword. I urge calm.
speakr2customrs
speakr2customrs
Dojo Hard?
I dropped in on the fascinating discussion on rahirah’s journal about Canon, fanon, and the mutability of character. And – guess what? – something inspired me. rahirah said I tend to think of canon-based AUs as something different from "All the characters are ninjas in 17th-century Japan" fics., shadowscast said I can see potential for a fun, canon-consistent story where gradually these ninjas in 17th-century Japan come to realize they're really California teenagers under a spell... I haven’t given in totally to the plot bunny – I’ve far too many other irons in the fire already – but I did succumb enough to knock off a little extract, a single scene, of such a fic. A two-and-a-half drabble; 250 words. ETA: this is now Part One of a long-running story.


Dojo Hard Part One


Angel bowed low before the Shogun. “This wandering minstrel is dangerous, Giles-sama,” he counseled. “He is more than he appears. He is a Ninja assassin. It is said that once he accepts a commission his target is as good as dead. He has fought two samurai sword-masters and killed them both.”

Giles folded his fan and frowned. “What is this minstrel called, Angel-san?”

“He is sometimes called Chopstick, because he slays those who criticize his haiku by driving chopsticks through their ears into their brains. Another name he uses is Willi-san the Bloody.”

“This Chopstick guy doesn’t scare me,” Buffy declared. The ninja girl rose to her feet. Angel gazed lustfully at her, his eyes particularly dwelling on the tiger tattoo that could just be seen peeking from under the edge of her kimono. Buffy’s hand went to her wakizashi and she drew it in a lightning iaijutsu move, struck at an imaginary opponent, and whirled the sword back into its scabbard in a continuation of the same motion.

“Uh, I kinda think you should watch out, Buffy-chan,” Willow the Shugenja sorceress cautioned the swordswoman. “I got a bad feeling about this. Like I’m gonna end up hiding in a closet with that geisha Cordelia, or something. This Chopstick guy sounds pretty tough, you know?”

“Hey, no-one can beat the Buffster,” grinned the court Taikomochi, Xander. “Lighten up, Will-chan. If all else fails, Buffy can always get her mom to hit this Chopstick with a naginata. Hey, anyone want sushi?”

Continued in PART TWO


Tags: , ,
Current Mood: cheerful cheerful
Current Music: The Vapors, "Turning Japanese"

54 comments or speak 2 me
Comments
bagheera_san From: bagheera_san Date: September 6th, 2005 04:04 pm (UTC) (Link)
That bunny is marvelous! But shouldn't the shogun be adressed as Giles-sama or Giles-dono? Chopstick and his haiku! *chokes*
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 6th, 2005 04:12 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks! I've corrected the formal name usage.

Chopstick and his Bloody Awful Haiku, of course!
spikereader From: spikereader Date: September 6th, 2005 04:10 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh dear, I'm very sorry - I want more.

Know what you mean about the judging - I'm doing some too, and although I'm enjoying it, there's an awful lot of reading to do, and it's keeping me up really late at night. Not a good thing just as school starts back. Still, Chris-San is in Japan at the moment, so I've nothing better to do with my evenings.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 6th, 2005 04:18 pm (UTC) (Link)
Sorry, you can't have any more. I'm not going to be distracted. Even if I am a huge Samurai film buff, and I've got the entire "Lone Wolf and Cub" series on DVD, and Spike as Ogami Itto would - NO! Not going to do it!
(Deleted comment)
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 6th, 2005 04:52 pm (UTC) (Link)
do you get any bunnys from this?

Only Bugs Bunny, and I'm not going to do a Buffy/Merrie Melodies crossover any time soon. Not until it's duck season. Rabbit season. Duck season. Rabbit season! Duck season!
gillo From: gillo Date: September 6th, 2005 04:21 pm (UTC) (Link)
Wonderful! Particularly love the wandering minstrel. You just have to do a BtVS/G&S crossover sometime. With chorus, of course!

speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 6th, 2005 04:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
A wandering vampire I
a thing of fangs and bumpies
Of savage bites and thumpies
And fear of daylight sky ...

My fangs are very long
When I put on my game face
And to the Hellmouthy place
I come driving along
I come driving along ...
desoto_hia873 From: desoto_hia873 Date: September 6th, 2005 04:44 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hee! That was brilliant.

Chopstick. *snort*
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 6th, 2005 04:59 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
bogwitch From: bogwitch Date: September 6th, 2005 05:49 pm (UTC) (Link)
::snort::

Somehow I can picture Willow really well, maybe because of Nightmares...
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 6th, 2005 07:08 pm (UTC) (Link)
The Shugenza sorceress in the EM4 Miniatures pre-painted pack of Oriental role-playing game figures bears a marked resemblance to Willow in her "Nightmares" Madame Butterfly costume.
karinalee From: karinalee Date: September 6th, 2005 05:49 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks for the laugh.:)

'hiding in a closet with that geisha Cordelia' *snortle*
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 6th, 2005 07:10 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
spikendru From: spikendru Date: September 6th, 2005 05:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
“I got a bad feeling about this. Like I’m gonna end up hiding in a closet with that geisha Cordelia, or something.
Hee! I actually wrote that one!
Brilliant, as usual.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 6th, 2005 07:09 pm (UTC) (Link)
Yes, and a very good story "Interlude in the Closet" is too!

Thank you!
ozma914 From: ozma914 Date: September 6th, 2005 06:06 pm (UTC) (Link)

Vampires in the land of the rising sun?

You really, really need to do that complete story -- if you can maintain that pace, it'll be a comedy classic. By the way, I met your wife today ... well, got an LJ message from her. She likes my writing, and so must be a wonderful person. :-)
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 6th, 2005 07:16 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Vampires in the land of the rising sun?

I'm not going to do the complete story, or at least not for a very long time. I've got too many WIPs on the go as it is, some of them (e.g. the "Spike is a Jivaro headhunter, Buffy is the Prime Minister of Iceland" one) just as weird as this.

curiouswombat is indeed a wonderful person, and not just because she likes your writing. She was telling me about you at lunchtime; she's only found one of your stories so far, as she hasn't thought to check out your ff.net profile. I'll tip her off about the rest of them once she comes back from the expedition to England that she's setting out on tomorrow.
(Deleted comment)
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 7th, 2005 02:28 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!

I've done my judging; I have a feeling that my marks might be somewhat controversial, but the site mistress is free to use them or discard them as she sees fit. And, like I said, never again.
sharelle From: sharelle Date: September 6th, 2005 08:40 pm (UTC) (Link)
"He is sometimes called Chopstick, because he slays those who criticize his haiku by driving chopsticks through their ears into their brains...."

Oh, my gosh that was so brilliant! You've absolutely made my day!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 7th, 2005 02:28 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
kathyh From: kathyh Date: September 6th, 2005 09:29 pm (UTC) (Link)
I don't know which made me laugh more, Chopstick or Willi-san the Bloody. I know you don't want to write more at the moment but you should come back to it at a later date as it has classic potential!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 7th, 2005 02:33 am (UTC) (Link)
I might go back to it one day, but (as I have learned from doing "Savage Beauty") these silly ideas need a lot of research and hard work if they are to come over properly.
rahirah From: rahirah Date: September 6th, 2005 10:19 pm (UTC) (Link)
You're a menace, sir, a menace!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 7th, 2005 01:43 am (UTC) (Link)
Not my fault; I was intelligently designed this way by the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
(Deleted comment)
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 7th, 2005 02:37 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!

I'm overrun with plot-bunnies and am locking this one solidly away in a hutch. A hutch of folded and beaten steel, like the cage in which Oz the Kitsune fox-spirit imprisons himself at night ...
waywardchilde From: waywardchilde Date: September 7th, 2005 01:33 am (UTC) (Link)
Finally somebody has combined my love for Samurai and Ninja movies (although i'm not a huge buff or anything, but i'm working on that) with Buffy the Vampire Slayer! Fucking funny, mate.

Hey? Is that Zatoichi in your pic? The New 2003 Zatoichi. Good movie.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 7th, 2005 02:42 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!

Yes, it is the most recent Zatoichi in my icon. I was thinking of using Tomisaburo Wakayama as Ogami Itto, or Toshiro Mifune as Yojimbo, but then it occurred to me that the new Zatoichi's white hair gave him a passing resemblance to Spike if his face was in shadow.
desdemonaspace From: desdemonaspace Date: September 7th, 2005 01:59 am (UTC) (Link)
This is just what the doctor ordered! I'm too tired to read your worthy spouse's fic and make intelligible comment (I'm saving it for the morning over my coffee) so a two-and-a-half drabble right now is exactly my speed. (Don't know how intelligible I am even limiting myself to 250 words, tho'.) How do you manage to capture the characters' personalities, whilst limited to this "17th-century Japanese ninjas" convention? And you've got all the martial arts terminology down pat. (So well that when I first met you I thought you were a military man.) And funny... Xander might not be pushing pizza, but--

Good job.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 7th, 2005 02:32 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you! I just blithely ignored the 17th-Century ninja bit where it clashed with the personalities and pressed on regardless, relying on the incongruities being taken as humour.

I don't think the latest chapter of "Ten Years After" is really suitable for reading over breakfast. Not unless you intend to go back to bed after eating. Or perhaps have a cold shower.
enigmaticblues From: enigmaticblues Date: September 7th, 2005 03:58 am (UTC) (Link)
*snerk*
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 7th, 2005 04:18 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
cyradis From: cyradis Date: September 7th, 2005 11:25 am (UTC) (Link)
I found your Livejournal via your webpage and I have to say that you're really a talented writer!
You manage to bring to life the most strange plot-bunnies and make them hilarious!
Hope you don't mind that I friended you.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 7th, 2005 11:30 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!

Of course I don't mind that you Friended me, and I've Friended you back.
drakeazathoth From: drakeazathoth Date: September 7th, 2005 11:52 pm (UTC) (Link)
Heh... Nifty. Spike as a ninja minstrel who writes haiku is an oddly compelling idea. Poetry and warriors go together very well in this setting, so it's interesting to imagine how that might have affected 'Chopstick'.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 8th, 2005 11:58 am (UTC) (Link)
Yep. It certainly would be interesting to carry this one on, but doing it properly would be a lot of work and I really don't know when I would have the time to do it justice.

Thank you!
talesofspike From: talesofspike Date: September 9th, 2005 06:57 pm (UTC) (Link)
Just a quick "Thank you!". As you can probably tell, I got a bit behind on my FL this past week. TYA next (probably almost in time for CW to be back home...
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 10th, 2005 04:36 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
hieispike From: hieispike Date: September 15th, 2005 04:41 pm (UTC) (Link)
Chopstick!! ::falls over, anime-style::
slaymesoftly From: slaymesoftly Date: November 30th, 2006 11:19 pm (UTC) (Link)
Following the hysterical laughter of everyone who has been reccing this lately and am already grinning after just one chapter. *off to read more!*
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: December 1st, 2006 12:44 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!

I didn't know anyone had been reccing this lately. They must be people not on my F-list.
basilio_the_cat From: basilio_the_cat Date: July 9th, 2007 09:37 am (UTC) (Link)
This fic has been waiting in my bookmarks for I don't know how long. I'm glad that I haven't carelessly deleted it, because I love it. You are the master of crack!fic :D
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 9th, 2007 09:45 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
54 comments or speak 2 me