?

Log in

No account? Create an account
I speak 2 customrs customrs' speak 2 me calendar about s2c Speaker's Corner Previously on s2c Previously on s2c Next Next
My Last Qwa’ha Xahn Was Taller 3: The God-King of Craggy Island - Words in the Heroes' Tongue
I have a variable-sword. I urge calm.
speakr2customrs
speakr2customrs
My Last Qwa’ha Xahn Was Taller 3: The God-King of Craggy Island
Here is another instalment of my drabble series ‘My Last Qwa'ha Xahn Was Taller’ in which Illyria seeks a replacement for Wesley from the most inappropriate fandoms possible. Previous parts were HERE. This time it’s a crossover of AtS with ‘Father Ted’ and is therefore PG-13 because of a certain character’s vocabulary; also it was impossible to do as a 100-word drabble. PG-13, 400 words.

Disclaimer: 'Father Ted' was a Hat Trick Production for Channel 4, created by and written by Graham Linehan and Arthur Mathews.
The God-King of Craggy Island


“D’you think we should exercise that O’Leary-a, Ted? We could take her to the golf course, or maybe we could just take her for a brisk walk, or, I know, I could lend her my rollerblades.”

Father Ted raised his eyes to the Heavens. “What are you talking about, Dougal?”

“Well, Ted, she’s a demon, and wasn’t Bishop Brennan saying that you’re supposed to exercise demons? We’d get her head to go spinning round, and then she’d say nasty words, and there might be vomiting so we’d best put some newspapers down or something.”

“Dougal, that’s not how you do an exorcism.”

“Oh. Right. Well, shouldn’t we do it anyway, on account of her being a demon?”

Father Jack stirred in his chair. “That would be an ecumenical matter,” he said.

Father Ted looked at him with some surprise. “The Bishop’s not really here, Jack,” he said. “Dougal was just talking.”

“Arse,” Father Jack growled, reverting to his usual speech patterns. “Feck! Drink! Girls!” He slumped back into his normal comatose state.

“He’s actually right, Dougal,” Ted said. “An ecumenical approach would be best. No exorcism. Just in case she gets offended and pulls off our arms and beats us to death with the soggy ends.”

“Would she do that?”

“Well, I suppose I shouldn’t really say, as being her Qwa'ha Xahn is probably like the sanctity of the confessional, but, well, yes she would.”

“Oh. I wouldn’t like that, Ted.”

“And another thing, Dougal,” Father Ted went on. “If we did exorcise her she’d change back into that nice American lady who scared you so much that you hid under the table.” He added “You great daft eejit” under his breath so that Father Dougal didn’t hear.

“Oh. Yes, Ted, perhaps we’d best leave well enough alone. I won’t let her use my rollerblades.” Dougal’s cheerfully vacant smile was replaced by a frown. “Where’s she gone?”

“She’s in the other room with Mrs Doyle,” Ted said. He opened the door and listened.

“I have told you, creature, that I do not wish to consume this ‘tea’,” Illyria said.

“Ahh, go on,” said Mrs Doyle. “Go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on!”

There was a crash of glass and the sound of running footsteps.

“She’s jumped out of the window and ran away,” Father Ted observed. “Ah, well, it’s probably for the best.”

Tags: , ,
Current Location: Craggy Island
Current Music: The Divine Comedy, "My Lovely Horse"

18 comments or speak 2 me
Comments
mythichistorian From: mythichistorian Date: March 7th, 2009 09:35 am (UTC) (Link)
ROFL! Love it, love it!

You have captured the folk of Craggy isle perfectly - every line of dialogue is a gem. I especially liked Dougal being fine with Illyria, but scared of Fred!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 7th, 2009 09:47 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
pinkfriction From: pinkfriction Date: March 7th, 2009 09:48 am (UTC) (Link)
~snort~ that was brilliant.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 7th, 2009 09:50 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
sammywol From: sammywol Date: March 7th, 2009 11:50 am (UTC) (Link)
Tears. Of. Laughter!!!

Oh dear! Oh dear!

I have a fellow lecturer who uses Mrs Doyle to explain iambic pentameter but I think she would go on a lot longer than 5 beats myself.

I wonder was there actual cocaine in the cupcakes this time?
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 7th, 2009 01:19 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!

I doubt if Illyria got as far as the cupcakes.
mylescorcoran From: mylescorcoran Date: March 7th, 2009 12:01 pm (UTC) (Link)
You had me at "O’Leary-a". Brilliant.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 7th, 2009 01:19 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
gillo From: gillo Date: March 7th, 2009 12:40 pm (UTC) (Link)
Mrs Doyle would definitely defeat Illyria! Lovely - you got Dougal's voice perfectly. (Thinking of another Dougal Illyria might have trouble with...)
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 7th, 2009 01:21 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you! Actually it was thinking about Dougal from the Magic Roundabout that inspired this fic; I was considering it, and then suddenly thought of an alternative Dougal, and the rest is history.
audela From: audela Date: March 7th, 2009 02:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
Poor Illyria! Really spot on with the characters here. Nice one.

F
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 7th, 2009 09:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
From: ellaygee_09 Date: March 7th, 2009 04:35 pm (UTC) (Link)
Well I am not familiar with Father Ted but it was still funny!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 7th, 2009 09:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
ozma914 From: ozma914 Date: March 8th, 2009 10:32 am (UTC) (Link)
Something tells me I'd like that show very, very much.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 8th, 2009 10:01 pm (UTC) (Link)
It's utterly insane and very, very, funny.
brunettepet From: brunettepet Date: March 13th, 2009 10:30 pm (UTC) (Link)
Excellent voices in this hilarious crossover. You had me laughing with Dougal's exercising demons and "...we'd best put down newspapers</i>.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 14th, 2009 09:44 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
18 comments or speak 2 me