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Ficlet: House At Pooh Corner - Words in the Heroes' Tongue
I have a variable-sword. I urge calm.
speakr2customrs
speakr2customrs
Ficlet: House At Pooh Corner

Happy birthday to the lovely pfeifferpack!


Here is my second successive Winnie the Pooh crossover ficlet. This time I’ll keep the crossover as a surprise – although not much of a Surprise as there is a Rather Obvious Clue... PG, 500 words.

House At Pooh Corner


Pooh Hummed a little Hum as he waited for his turn to see the doctor.

“The pain in my Tum
Is eased when I Hum
It makes me go Numb
In my little Tum.”

It didn’t really work but it passed the time. Eventually his turn came and he went in to see the doctor. “Edward Bear,” said the medical man. “Stomach pains. Humph. A disgustingly simple case.”

“I have a pain in my Tummy,” Pooh said. “Christopher Robin said that you could cure me.”

“Pain. Yes.” The doctor took a bottle of painkillers from a cabinet. He poured out a dozen and filled a paper cup with water.

“That’s rather a lot of pills,” Pooh said, nervously. “I don’t think the pain in my Tummy is quite that bad.”

“Oh, these aren’t for you,” said the doctor. “They’re for me.” He scooped the pills into his mouth, swallowed hard, and washed them down with the water. “Now to deal with you.” He poked and prodded Pooh’s swollen Tummy and listened with a stethoscope. He grimaced, stared at the stethoscope with disgust, and rinsed the end of it under a tap.

“There are two possible causes of your symptoms,” the doctor declared. “One is that a hideous tropical parasitic worm has taken up residence in your intestinal tract. If that is the case then you will have to undergo a severe course of powerful drugs. You will be desperately ill for weeks. Your fur will fall out. It even carries a risk of blindness as a side-effect.”

Pooh shuddered. “I don’t think I like that idea very much,” he said. “I’m rather attached to my fur. What is the other Possibility?”

The doctor’s lips formed into something approximating to a smile. “A surfeit of Hunny,” he said. “A day of abstinence and it will clear right up. Unfortunately if the cause really was the worm it would probably kill you. However I don’t think there’s much risk of that. The stickiness around your muzzle, on your paws, and even on the fur of your swollen little tummy is something of a give-away. A simple diagnosis, in the end, and even my students could probably have worked this one out.”

“Oh dear,” said Pooh. “I have a Horrible Worm. My fur will fall out and I might go blind. This is a Bad Thing. I shall have to wear a Warm Coat. Perhaps Piglet will have to act as my Seeing Eye Animal.”

“I don’t think you followed my explanation,” the doctor said. “You really are a Bear of Very Little Brain, aren’t you? My diagnosis was that you’re suffering from a surfeit of Hunny.” He gritted his teeth and spoke very slowly and precisely. “You ate too much Hunny. You’ll get better if you just lay off the Hunny for a day or two. Got it?”

“That’s silly,” said Pooh. “It has to be the Horrible Parasitic Worm. How could there possibly be such a thing as too much Hunny?”

Tags: , , ,
Current Location: Pooh Corner
Current Music: Arcade Fire, "My Body Is A Cage"

29 comments or speak 2 me
Comments
ffutures From: ffutures Date: September 2nd, 2008 03:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
I did guess it, but it really doesn't matter. Lovely stuff.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 3rd, 2008 05:59 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
(Deleted comment)
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 3rd, 2008 06:00 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
quinara From: quinara Date: September 2nd, 2008 03:28 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hee!

"A simple diagnosis, in the end, and even my students could probably have worked this one out.”

Somehow I doubt it...
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 3rd, 2008 06:01 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
gillo From: gillo Date: September 2nd, 2008 03:34 pm (UTC) (Link)
I guessed from the Big Clue, but it was still a delight to read.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 3rd, 2008 06:00 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
pfeifferpack From: pfeifferpack Date: September 2nd, 2008 04:31 pm (UTC) (Link)
*giggle* Yup that would be the wonderful Dr. House and his cup 'o pills. Must be Pooh's influence that he was somewhat kinder than usual though.

Thank you for the birthday wishes and ADORE this story. You can never have too much pooh (okay you can and hence the need for doctors of all dispositions).

*hugs*
Kathleen
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 3rd, 2008 06:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!

::hugs back::
bogwitch From: bogwitch Date: September 2nd, 2008 05:21 pm (UTC) (Link)
Cute.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 3rd, 2008 06:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
brunettepet From: brunettepet Date: September 2nd, 2008 05:22 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hahahaha! Of course Pooh would rather have a Horrible Parasitic Worm than forgo Hunny for twenty-four hours.

That was charming. House rinsing the sticky stethoscope gave me a laugh.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 3rd, 2008 06:04 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
deird1 From: deird1 Date: September 2nd, 2008 07:49 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hee! Fun!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 3rd, 2008 06:04 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
deborahc From: deborahc Date: September 2nd, 2008 08:27 pm (UTC) (Link)
I didn't guess the crossover (not a House fan) but no matter, I loved it all the same. Pooh's a bear after my own heart; I'm afraid we both have a highly developed sense of Denial.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 3rd, 2008 06:04 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
mymatedave From: mymatedave Date: September 2nd, 2008 08:49 pm (UTC) (Link)
I LOL'd
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 3rd, 2008 06:05 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
thismaz From: thismaz Date: September 3rd, 2008 04:32 am (UTC) (Link)
,i>Piglet will have to act as my Seeing Eye Animal.</i>
*laughs* I'm with Pooh, How could there possibly be such a thing as too much Hunny?
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 3rd, 2008 06:05 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
ozma914 From: ozma914 Date: September 3rd, 2008 08:04 am (UTC) (Link)
It wasn't too hard to guess who the doctor was, but it was great fun!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 3rd, 2008 06:05 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
spikereader From: spikereader Date: September 3rd, 2008 04:18 pm (UTC) (Link)
*loves*

And congratulations on your 8mb broadband too. :D
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 3rd, 2008 06:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
(Deleted comment)
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 4th, 2008 04:59 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you! I came at it from the other direction. I wrote a Winnie the Pooh/Gladiator crossover and decided to do a second Pooh crossover as a follow-up. I cast my mind back to the books in search of an inspiration, remembered 'The House At Pooh Corner', and after that the ficlet virtually wrote itself.
sammywol From: sammywol Date: September 6th, 2008 02:22 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh as one addict addressing another he should definitely do better. Hee!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: September 7th, 2008 11:17 am (UTC) (Link)
Even House wouldn't be familiar with Hunny addiction.
29 comments or speak 2 me