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Dr. Horrible Crossover Ficlet: Chestnut Mare - Words in the Heroes' Tongue
I have a variable-sword. I urge calm.
speakr2customrs
speakr2customrs
Dr. Horrible Crossover Ficlet: Chestnut Mare
Today is writerconuk’s birthday. There isn’t much point in wishing happy birthday to a community; instead I’ll remind those not already going that the MidiMeet 2008 is 15th-17th August in Reading, UK, and there are plenty of places left. It’s not just for the Buffy fandom, or even just for writers, and last year’s was a lot of fun. Come and join us!

Here is my first Dr. Horrible fic; crossover with Buffy Season 8, spoilers for Issue 16, very slight spoilers for Dr. Horrible Act III. Not to be taken seriously. 250 words, rating – I’m not sure. R, I suppose. In the same reality as the 'Giant Dawn Dating' series The Secret Diary of Dawn Summers (Height 16 ¾ metres) .

Chestnut Mare


“Being a centaur sucks,” Dawn said, scraping at the grass with her right front hoof, “but at least it’s stopped the constant stream of giant suitors.”

“Yeah, definitely of the good,” Xander agreed, “although, hey, getting to meet Optimus Prime was pretty cool.”

“I guess,” said Dawn, “but boinking him, not so much. I don’t even think he has the right, uh, parts.”

“Hey, Optimus Prime can transform into...” Xander began, and then he caught sight of three approaching figures. “Uh, Dawnie, I think maybe you spoke too soon.”

“What the? Cowboys?” Dawn glared at the three mustachioed men in Stetsons and chaps who were striding in bow-legged fashion towards the ruined castle. “Forget it, guys. No way am I going to give you a ride.”

The cowboys struck a pose and burst into song.

“Oh Dawn the lovely centaur, listen to what we sing
We are not here to ride you, we’re only here to bring
A message from our leader, who wants you for his mare
(Although we would quite like a ride, if he’s prepared to share)
Our master is a stallion, you’ve heard of him of course
The Thoroughbred of Sin, he is the great Bad Horse!
Bad Horse, Bad Horse,
Bad Horse, Bad Horse,
From the Evil League of Evil,
Bad Horse, Bad Horse.”

“Now that’s just… wrong,” Xander said.

“Bad Horse? Ewww! That is totally gross.” Dawn screwed up her mouth. “And, hey, the ickiest thing of all, my rear end is kinda tempted.”

Tags: , , ,
Current Music: The Byrds, "Chestnut Mare"

20 comments or speak 2 me
Comments
ffutures From: ffutures Date: July 21st, 2008 07:44 pm (UTC) (Link)
Ewww! is about right...
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 21st, 2008 07:57 pm (UTC) (Link)
That was the effect I was going for.
ffutures From: ffutures Date: July 22nd, 2008 08:54 pm (UTC) (Link)
Belatedly remember to ask... I was looking at my favourite authors page on FF Net and noticed your one story there, Savage Beauty, which I'd almost forgotten. Any chance of seeing more of it?
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 23rd, 2008 02:23 pm (UTC) (Link)
I don't know. I had the outline for the next chapter, but when I started to write it I found that it was a huge struggle to make it funny. I couldn't get it to match the mood of the earlier parts. I'd like to complete it, but only if I can recreate the original style.
booster17 From: booster17 Date: July 21st, 2008 10:01 pm (UTC) (Link)
You'd think the Evil part of Evil League of Evil might tip them off.

And hey - if Dawn goes ahead with it, would that make her a forward centaur?
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 22nd, 2008 02:56 pm (UTC) (Link)
She's certainly the centaur of attention...
sammywol From: sammywol Date: July 21st, 2008 10:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
Bad Horse was the best thing in Dr Horrible! It's almost worth starting up a Champions campaign just to get to play 'the Thoroughbred of Sin'. Dawn should be so lucky.;)
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 22nd, 2008 02:57 pm (UTC) (Link)
A Champions campaign with Champion the Wonder Horse as his Arch-Nemesis?
sammywol From: sammywol Date: July 22nd, 2008 04:01 pm (UTC) (Link)
"Like a MIGHTY cannonball he seems to fly ..." Oh God! Now you've done it.
mymatedave From: mymatedave Date: July 21st, 2008 11:02 pm (UTC) (Link)
that is kinda ewww. Epecially the last sentance.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 22nd, 2008 02:57 pm (UTC) (Link)
I was going for 'Ewww'.
From: averageshmoe Date: July 22nd, 2008 02:15 am (UTC) (Link)
Dawn and Bad Horse?

I say thee, neigh.

Now quit horsing around.

pgavigan

Now quite smart enough to put down my hot beverages before reading these things.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: July 22nd, 2008 03:02 pm (UTC) (Link)
In my Horrible-verse Bad Horse has an Arch-Nemesis named Bronco Wrangler. He has a theme song...

"I'm gonna catch that horse if I can,
And when I do I'll give him my brand.
I'll take my gelding knife
And change that stallion's life,
I'm gonna catch that horse if I can..."
From: averageshmoe Date: July 22nd, 2008 05:46 pm (UTC) (Link)
That would be the unkindest cut of all.

And I actually put down my morning coffee, stood up and stepped away from the computer just to make certain I wasn't going to wreck another keyboard.

Now for my question, I don't believe all the members of the Evil League of Evil were revealed. What is the 'secret' evil identity of Speaker-To-Customer, what is his modus operandi, and are Wombat and D-Daughter in on it?

pgavigan
ozma914 From: ozma914 Date: July 23rd, 2008 07:10 am (UTC) (Link)

Speaker's Power

Well, clearly he has the Power of Pun, which he uses to immobilize his victims with laughter.
ozma914 From: ozma914 Date: July 23rd, 2008 07:08 am (UTC) (Link)
Ewww! And what does it say about me, that I laughed so hard? :-)
chosen0112 From: chosen0112 Date: September 20th, 2008 10:27 pm (UTC) (Link)
Um..eww..but I laughed so hard I scared my dogs! Wheee!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: November 6th, 2008 09:37 am (UTC) (Link)
I didn't get an e-mail advice of this comment when you made it and I only saw it when I re-read my story today.

Thank you!
snowpuppies From: snowpuppies Date: January 3rd, 2009 05:08 am (UTC) (Link)
Oh. My. God.

Last line totally killed me.

Totally.

Made of win, this is.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: January 3rd, 2009 11:16 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
20 comments or speak 2 me