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Don't panic when you see the title - Words in the Heroes' Tongue
I have a variable-sword. I urge calm.
speakr2customrs
speakr2customrs
Don't panic when you see the title
This is a little fanfic about fanfic. 500 words, PG-13.


Goodbye and thanks for all the fic


‘The Bronze at the End of the Universe’ is a night-club that spans dimensions. Characters from a thousand Buffyverse fanfics call in there between chapters, or at the conclusions of their stories, to drink, relax, and chat with their counterparts from other stories. When the club first opened the characters would mingle indiscriminately but this led to some embarrassing cases of mistaken identity. Now, by unspoken mutual consent, the majority of interaction was between different versions of the same characters.

A Buffy who lived in blissful happiness with Angel chatted with other Buffys who lived with Spike, with Riley, with Xander, and with Captain Jack Sparrow. missmurchison’s Joyce who was having an affair with Spike exchanged gossip with speakr2customrs’ Joyce who was shagging Olaf the Troll, with half a dozen Joyces who had married Giles, and with one who had captivated and married a reformed Mayor Richard Wilkins. shadowscast’s ‘Fragmentsverse’ Xander talked to liz_marcs’ ‘Facing the Heart in Darkness’ Xander. A Xander in a safari jacket and bush hat bemoaned his forthcoming transfer from exotic Africa to cold, wet, Scotland. An alternate Xander warned him of the perils of bagpipes, haggis, and deep-fried Mars Bars. Four versions of Giles removed and cleaned their glasses.

A Wishverse Vampire Willow was making advances to a human Willow. A group of enigmatic_blue’s Wesleys were talking about their girlfriends. The respective merits of Drusilla, Nika, Fred, Faith, and Tuff were discussed and acknowledged. The Wesley from ‘Dojo Hard’ joined in the conversation and began to tell them about his Amazing Dancing Bare. Nearby a Wesley whose last romantic experience had been a one-night stand with Glory sighed enviously. A susurration of stammering sounded from a score of shy Taras. A dozen Dawns shrieked “Get out get out get out!”

Anyas who were devoted to Xander exchanged sex tips with Anyas who were equally devoted to Giles. Willi-san the Bloody Awful Ninja, alias Chopstick, recited his haiku to William the Bloody Awful Poet and listened to effulgent Victorian poetry in return. Spike from anaross’ ‘My Life Closed Twice’ made trenchant criticisms of both and was ignored. Ten Illyrias looked disdainfully at the lesser beings around them. Eleven High School Cordelias stared with equal scorn at the hairstyle of an Angel Season Four Cordelia. Eight versions of Oz raised silent but eloquent eyebrows.

In an alcove sat a group of Buffybots. theohara’s Rachel, from ‘Two Summers’, and speakr2customrs’ Violent Elizabeth Bott, from ‘I Was Made For Loving You Baby’, lamented their seemingly abandoned state and wondered if they would ever get out of the club again. keswindhover’s Botty related the story of her trip to Ankh-Morpork to visitorfic’s Buffybot and to three other assorted Bots of greater or lesser sentience.

The Spike from weyrwolfenfic’s ‘In League With Serpents’ entered the club wearing Meret the Feathered Serpent draped over his shoulders like a living scarf. He passed by the alcove of the Buffybots and they looked up.

“It’s Spike!” the Bots chorused. “And he’s wearing the coatl.”

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56 comments or speak 2 me
Comments
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woman_of_ From: woman_of_ Date: March 16th, 2007 08:55 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh good one, so that is where my character from my WIP's have got to. Must be under the table by now.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 17th, 2007 11:50 am (UTC) (Link)
The Bronze at the End of the Universe keeps huge vats of strong black coffee to hand so that characters can quickly be sobered up if they're unexpectedly called upon to go back to their fics.
petzipellepingo From: petzipellepingo Date: March 16th, 2007 08:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
Why yes he is! And thanks for this story.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 17th, 2007 11:50 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
paratti From: paratti Date: March 16th, 2007 09:05 pm (UTC) (Link)
Great fun.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 17th, 2007 11:50 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
gillo From: gillo Date: March 16th, 2007 09:26 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm glad you put the nice friendly lettered warning in the title. Otherwise I might be stupid enough to think that if I can't see you, you can't see me.

Lovely idea, and hideous ending - well down to your standard.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 17th, 2007 11:51 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
(Deleted comment)
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 17th, 2007 11:52 am (UTC) (Link)
You mean 'I was made for loving you baby, you were made for loving me'...?
ayinhara From: ayinhara Date: March 16th, 2007 09:40 pm (UTC) (Link)
A susurration of stammering sounded from a score of shy Taras.

Very nice sound to it. Good job.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 17th, 2007 11:53 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
agilebrit From: agilebrit Date: March 16th, 2007 09:53 pm (UTC) (Link)
Bweeeheeheeheehee!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 17th, 2007 11:55 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
manoah From: manoah Date: March 16th, 2007 10:13 pm (UTC) (Link)
That was just darned fun. And I do, thank you for all the fic!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 17th, 2007 11:57 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you.
From: (Anonymous) Date: March 16th, 2007 11:00 pm (UTC) (Link)
I guess every fandom has a version of that... the X-Men fanficdom also had a sort of café, where different versions of the characters could mingle. The annual fanfic awards show was always amusing... :P

Magnus
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 21st, 2007 11:04 pm (UTC) (Link)
I didn't know about fanfic versions, but I've come across bars like that in SF stories sometimes.
spikendru From: spikendru Date: March 16th, 2007 11:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
What a creative idea! I just love the idea of WIP characters and characters from finished fics hanging around with each other and still having a life of their own. Terrific job.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 17th, 2007 12:40 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
zanthinegirl From: zanthinegirl Date: March 16th, 2007 11:18 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hee-- what a cute idea. I would say "Dear Lord, that ending line is bad!" but Dude. "Coatl"!! I think it's your best horrible pun to date!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 17th, 2007 12:41 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
rahirah From: rahirah Date: March 17th, 2007 12:47 am (UTC) (Link)
I knew something like this had to be coming. But was I ready? Nooooo!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 17th, 2007 12:42 pm (UTC) (Link)
Heh heh heh! You were expecting Kirk and Spock as ocelots, weren't you?
clancy_s From: clancy_s Date: March 17th, 2007 03:25 am (UTC) (Link)
Gigglesnort!

I was thinking the line about the four Giles was the best, until I got to the last one. :D

*giggles summore*
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 17th, 2007 12:42 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
ffutures From: ffutures Date: March 17th, 2007 09:13 am (UTC) (Link)
Nice last line - now I have to track down some of those stories...
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 17th, 2007 12:38 pm (UTC) (Link)
My original intention was to have a reference in it to your Buffy (or your Willow) who teaches at St Trinians telling her counterparts about her experiences there, but my first draft without that reference came so close to 500 words that I just went with what I had at that stage.
basilio_the_cat From: basilio_the_cat Date: March 17th, 2007 03:33 pm (UTC) (Link)
I liked this very much and was planning on Memoriesing it only half way through. But the last line? Loved that :D Now I'm definitely keeping this fic :D
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 21st, 2007 11:05 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
wisemack From: wisemack Date: March 17th, 2007 05:57 pm (UTC) (Link)
*snort* And to think I ever wondered why the Wombat puts up with you.

(Loved it, btw, dreadful pun and all!)
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 21st, 2007 11:05 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
diachrony From: diachrony Date: March 17th, 2007 06:45 pm (UTC) (Link)
::blink blink::

::GUFFAWS::

Adored it all the way through, and especial adoration for the ending. Hee!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 21st, 2007 11:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
shadowscast From: shadowscast Date: March 17th, 2007 09:27 pm (UTC) (Link)
LOL!

I'm not reliably reading fic these days, but I couldn't not click on a Douglas Adams reference.

Your restaurant is really a hilariously appealing concept, and I'm quite thrilled to have a character mentioned by name (er, title!) in the throng.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 21st, 2007 11:08 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks! I had to include your Spike - I might have included your Willow, Kennedy & Oz if I hadn't decided to go for an exact 500 words and thus had to keep references to the minimum.
From: randie508 Date: March 17th, 2007 10:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
You make me smile!! I have always wondered what if so and so's whomever met their counterpart--and this is a great example!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 21st, 2007 11:08 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
appomattoxco From: appomattoxco Date: March 17th, 2007 11:45 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hee!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 21st, 2007 11:09 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
charmingkarla From: charmingkarla Date: March 18th, 2007 01:13 am (UTC) (Link)
LOL, I cant stop laughing, great story, very funny.

I added you to my list, hope you dont mind and maybe add me back?

*hugs*

Karla
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 21st, 2007 11:09 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you! I have Friended you back.
(Deleted comment)
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 21st, 2007 11:10 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
frimfram From: frimfram Date: March 18th, 2007 07:52 pm (UTC) (Link)
Ha!
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 21st, 2007 11:10 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks!
missmurchison From: missmurchison Date: March 18th, 2007 08:05 pm (UTC) (Link)
I was just thinking about that meme where you match characters according to who would be best for them. *hits self on forehead* How could I have left out Joyce:Olaf!

My favorite line:

A dozen Dawns shrieked “Get out get out get out!”
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 21st, 2007 11:13 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!

I thought about doing that meme but it just specifies the 'core' characters and misses out my favourite oddities such as Joyce/Olaf, Wesley/Ampata, and Giles/Ilona Costa Bianchi.
stretfordditto From: stretfordditto Date: March 18th, 2007 10:01 pm (UTC) (Link)

Lol.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: March 21st, 2007 11:14 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
56 comments or speak 2 me
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