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Happy Birthday Bogwitch! - Words in the Heroes' Tongue
I have a variable-sword. I urge calm.
speakr2customrs
speakr2customrs
Happy Birthday Bogwitch!

Happy birthday to the adorable bogwitch


No birthday fic for you this year, I'm afraid; I would have made time, even in the middle of my ficathon assignment, but I haven't come up with any ideas at all as I've been too preoccupied with Xander in Malawi. I grovel in your general direction.

Meme (gacked from just about everybody)

10 ways that you can tell that a fic was written by Speaker-to-Customers


01) Willow is always a big fan of Blink 182.
02) I take it for granted that any mention of a walrus is intrinsically humorous.
03) Nobody uses the word "ponce". And Spike doesn't say 'luv', 'cor', or 'blimey' unless he's taking the piss.
04) If I refer to the score in a football match, it really was the score.
05) If the characters go to see a movie, it really was showing in cinemas at the relevant time.
06) The fight scenes are usually pretty good.
07) Spike may or may not be evil, but he'll always attach more importance to love, sex, friendship and material possessions than to any abstract concept of Good versus Evil, and will be willing to do good if it will get him what he wants. And in my stories it usually does.
08) Harmony hero-worships Angel and will be loyal to the end if he has confidence in her. Or even if he doesn't, if she thinks that she can prove to him that he should have done.
09) Vampire semen is translucent and colourless. Although as I usually fade-to-black for sex scenes this doesn't crop up often.
10) Male characters who are not canonically gay will have absolutely zero interest in each other in any sexual way unless they've been stuck for three months in a broken-down submarine on the floor of the Atlantic Ocean and they've read absolutely everything on board forty times and totally exhausted the possibilities of "I Spy" and "Twenty Questions". And even then they'll have to close their eyes and think of girls to be able to get it up.

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Comments
bogwitch From: bogwitch Date: January 23rd, 2006 12:50 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks! Grovelling accepted, you may kiss the tentacle.

#10 - They can always grab an octopus.

speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: January 23rd, 2006 11:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
Consider your tentacle duly kissed (in a suitably respectful manner).
thedeadlyhook From: thedeadlyhook Date: January 23rd, 2006 03:44 pm (UTC) (Link)
10) Male characters who are not canonically gay will have absolutely zero interest in each other in any sexual way unless they've been stuck for three months in a broken-down submarine on the floor of the Atlantic Ocean and they've read absolutely everything on board forty times and totally exhausted the possibilities of "I Spy" and "Twenty Questions". And even then they'll have to close their eyes and think of girls to be able to get it up.

Hah!

Great list.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: January 23rd, 2006 10:50 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
From: averageshmoe Date: January 23rd, 2006 03:51 pm (UTC) (Link)
11.) The reader finishes a story set in season six or seven, leans back to think about what was actually produced and says "Damn. I wish that would have happened instead."

pgavigan
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: January 23rd, 2006 10:52 pm (UTC) (Link)
I have advantages over the real writing team; no need to worry about BtVS and AtS being on different networks so that I can bring in crossover characters at will, no need to keep options open for future seasons so that I can wrap everything up neatly if I want, an ifinite budget, and so on.
mommanerd From: mommanerd Date: January 23rd, 2006 04:01 pm (UTC) (Link)
11)Clever usage of word in puns and other similar references that will stretch the brainpower of anyone paying attention. Translated: Reading Speaker makes one smarter. :o)
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: January 23rd, 2006 11:00 pm (UTC) (Link)
I was going to include something like that but I've done at least one story (Smells Like Teen Spirit) entirely devoid of puns.
mommanerd From: mommanerd Date: January 23rd, 2006 11:59 pm (UTC) (Link)
Still, in general, the double meanings and references to pop culture are things I consider hallmarks of your work.

The title of Teen Spirit qualifies.
ffutures From: ffutures Date: January 23rd, 2006 06:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
11: At least one pun that makes me groan...
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: January 23rd, 2006 11:01 pm (UTC) (Link)
No puns in "Smells Like Teen Spirit", or in "The Cloak of Mist".
gillo From: gillo Date: January 23rd, 2006 10:53 pm (UTC) (Link)
11. The most bizarre situations suddenly seem reasonable, possibly even inevitable.
12. There will be at least one ghastly pun which the reader wishes she had made.
speakr2customrs From: speakr2customrs Date: January 23rd, 2006 11:02 pm (UTC) (Link)
There are no puns, ghastly or otherwise, in "Smells Like Teen Spirit" or "The Cloak of Mist".
gillo From: gillo Date: January 24th, 2006 12:42 am (UTC) (Link)
So that counts as a bizarre situation in its own right.

(OK, I give in. But it's still a hallmark of your work.)

13. Details of cars and other blokestuff are presented with a loving attention to detail and, one presumes, accuracy.
14 comments or speak 2 me